The MANSION!
by weasleygurl4
Summary: CHAPTER 12 IS OFFICIALLY POSTED! YEEEEE HAW! A very special chapter this is, two people are about to be engaged, but who will it be? Read and find out! After that, trivia hour and some special guests.... assassins!
1. The trip to Miami

"Trip to the mansion in Miami"

Harry- **(Yelling while doing a happy little jig)** WOO-HOO! WE'RE GOING TO MIAMI! WE'RE GOING TO MIAMI!

Draco- **(Shouting from the other side of the plane)** Potter, shut the hell up over there!

Hermione **(peeks up from her book)** - Awww… is wee Malfoy getting cranky?

Draco- Can it Granger! Actually though, I can't stand being in this plane any longer with a bunch of idiots! **(Professor Snape glared at him, along with the rest of the teachers)** Um, I mean besides the wonderful teachers that are talented and defiantly not idiots! **(Everyone but Draco, Goyle, Crabbe and the teachers laugh)**

Me- What these people don't know **(from the roof of the mansion) **is that they will all be spending the next 3 months in this house together, we will find out how many of them can stay sane. **(Giggles)** I sound like ANDERSON COOPER! OMG, when this season is over I must find him! **(Takes picture out of wallet and kisses it)**

Back on the plane…

Ron- **(In a whiny voice)** Are we there yet?

Hermione **(starting to sound like Draco)** - Shut it you half wit! We will not be there for another 15 minutes so just shut up about it! You asked so many times I'm almost out of aspirin.

**(Glares in the bottle to see only two pills left, out of the 100 that she had bought the day before)**

Hermione- Grr…they'd better have aspirin at this house

Lavender- Hun, I think that you've had a bit too much aspirin

Seamus- Yeah, we wouldn't want our sweet Hermione to get high

Hermione- Stuff it leprechaun.

Seamus- Hey I am not a leprechaun! I am a licensed Irish dancer! **(Looks around)** Errrrr… never mind **(Just like Draco, he looks at the floor)**

Everyone was so occupied they didn't really seem to notice. Lavender and Parvati were reading Muggle magazines, Hermione was digging through her bag for more aspirin, Ron was staring out the window with anticipation, Harry had kind of passed out from the excitement, Draco, Crabbe and Goyle were playing cards

Draco- Damn it, I lost again! I hate go fish!

The teachers were working on files and Seamus and Dean were watching a Muggle movie

Seamus- Hey doesn't that Austin powers look like Dr. Evil?

Dean- Yeah, maybe they are related!

Hermione- You idiots! The same actor is both characters!

After what seemed like hours…

Ron- Harry! Wake up Harry, guess what!

Harry- **(snores)**

Ron- Come on, wake up Potter, we're here!

Harry instantly woke up. In about 5 minutes, the plane was on the ground and about 20 attendants had taken the student's and teacher's bags.

Me- Teeeeeheeeee, here they come! Wow this really is a high mansion, I can see everywhere from here! **(Looks at the camera)** Oh hello! The 13 have arrived, but who will stay sane and who will lose their minds? **(Giggles madly once again)** On the new hit show, The MANSION!


	2. Host keri and the house!

The limos had gotten to the airport and the 13 unsuspecting contestants were taken to their home for the next 3 months.

Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Draco were in the 1st limo, Parvati, Lavender, Dean, and Seamus were in the 2nd limo, and Crabbe, Goyle, & the teachers were in the 3rd limo.

Ron- These things are so cool, there's even glowing boxes! Harry look, a sponge and a star fish doing a happy little jig!

Harry and Ron sat and laughed at Spongebob and Patrick. Hermione had gone back to reading, and Draco was writing out his last will.

Me- Dave the producer!

Dave- **(off screen)** what? You are **_supposed_** to be hosting the show!

Me- I know, but why does he think he going to die?

Dave- How the hell should I know? Just pay attention to hosting the show!

Me- Fine Grumpy Gus, but for the record you made a rhyme!

Dave- Oy…

Back in the limo

Draco- Well let's see. Everything I own is left to my family, Crabbe and Goyle can have all my books, and everything I ever inherit will be left to the Slytherin house… especially Professor Snape.

Me- OOOOKKKKK, I think someone has an obsession problem. **(Looks at the camera once again) **By the way to all you people watching out there, I can see in all three limos, well actually **(pauses and counts on fingers) **all five of the limos, because they have a lot of stuff!

Dave- You don't have to watch the extra limos! Nothing is going to happen to them!

Me- Well you never know, there might be limo luggage thieves around!

(**Eventually the limos arrive at the house. They had been a half hour late because first they got lost then they got stuck in traffic.)**

Ron **(still overly excited)** - This house is so big! It's almost as big as Hogwarts!

Harry, Dean, & Seamus- I know!

Parvati- Nah, I've seen bigger…

Lavender- Definitely, did you see the house on Real World in New Orleans!

Hermione- Of course! That Danny was very hot, it's too bad he's gay.

Three girls and Professor McGonagall- **(sighs longingly)**

Three girls- OO

Hermione- You watch Real world?

Prof. M. - Of course! I only eat, sleep, and breathe MTV!

Three girls- ¬¬

Me- Geez… what a loser! VH1 is where it's at!

Ron **(yelling loudly)** - Stop talking and lets go in! **(Runs but crashes into the locked door)**

Sirius- **(from inside his house next door) **Shut up down there! I'm trying to meditate!

Harry- Hi godfather Sirius!

Sirius (**looking down)** - Hi godson Harry!

Harry-

All- **(shocked and confused)**

Me- **(opens the door)** Oh how rude of me! Let me try again! **(Runs back inside and opens the door again)** It's show time people! I am the host Keri!

All- **(still shocked and confused)**

Me- Say hello!

All- Hello host Keri!

Me- Awww that's better! So anyway, here's the scoop. You've all been selected to participate in a new TV show called 'THE MANSION!' **(Dramatic music plays)**

All- Errrrrrrrrr…

Me- Yay! Don't you love that? The point is… you all have to stay at this house for the next three months to see who will stay sane even though they will be seeing the exact same people every single day. At the end of the three months, whoever is still here will win $50,000 gallons!

Ron- Yippy! I won't be poor anymore!

Me- Ron, it's not that simple

Ron- Oh… hey wait! How do you know my name?

Me- I'm special and I know everything! But anyway, you will all have group puzzles that you have to complete; only sometimes, most of the time I forget to do that. The dumb director left it up to me to figure out the puzzles even though we have a million completely capable writers! I'm not very reliable…

Dave- **(from inside)** you can say that again!

Me- **(yells inside the house)** nobody asked you! **(Looks back at the shocked contestants)** My friend and co-host Tina will also be around most of the time too. If I forget the puzzle, she'll probably make it up… **(Yells inside the house again)** Tina! Hey Tina! Come on! Stop eating all the cheesy poofs!

Dave **(from inside the house)** - what do you want now?

Me- Is your name Tina? I wasn't calling you, you bucket head!

Dave- Don't get an attitude with me!

Me- Grrrrrrrr…

Tina- **(chewing and running at the same time)** Mmmph mmph mmph mmph! (She runs out the door but Draco sticks out his foot and Tina ends up tripping over it)

Me- Draco that was not nice! $5,000 gallons taken away from your pot!

All- **(laughs)**

Me- **(looks at Tina on the ground**) Are you ok?

Tina- I am a little hitslepuffed, but I'm A'OK! **(Stands up)**

All- Errrrrrrrrr….

Tina- Wow they're not very glibbermigginious are they?

Me- Apparently not

There is complete silence

Me- Well, err, do you people want to take the tour?

All- Yes!

Me- Ok, please buddy up! We don't want any of you getting lost! I will not be liable for lost people!

Ron- Harry, buddy with me!

Harry- OK best buddy!

Draco- Professor Snape! Buddy with me!

Snape- OK, favorite student!

You get the idea, buddies go with buddies. Parvati goes with Lavender, Dean goes with Seamus, Prof. M. goes with Dumbledore, and Crabbe goes with Goyle

Hermione- Miss host Keri?

Me- Please Hermione, just call me Keri.

Hermione- Um, ok, I have no buddy

Me- It's ok sweetie, you're so smart that you don't even need a buddy!

Hermione- Hooray!

So they take the tour of house, well most of it, and then they reach the backyard

Ron- Look at all this cool stuff! A pool and a Jacuzzi and a… **(Gets cut off)**

Seamus- …And a trampoline and a big people's swing set!

While the guys go off and play, the girls just stand and look around

Me- Ummmmm, what do you want?

Parvati- Well, aren't there any hot guy butlers with no shirts that work here?

Me- Are you kidding?

Hermione, Lavender, Parvati, Prof. M. and Tina- Boooooo!

Tina- I did not sign up for this pooot sauce!

Me- Of course there are!

All the girls- Yaaaaaay!

Me **(looks around to make sure the boys aren't being bad)** – Holy crap! Dean, don't do that!

Dean **(trying to knock Ron off the trampoline**)- Why not?

Me- Well number one, Ron could get hurt, and I lurve him!

Tina- I weetwah him too!

Ron- Err thanks?

Me- Number two, I don't think your account can get you out of Azkaban, after you kill someone!

Dean- **(shudders)**

Sirius **(from out the window) **- Hey! No talk about that place while I am next door!

Me- Sorry! And number three **(whispers to Dean) **I don't think anything like that is supposed to happen until episode 7

Dean- Oh ok, sorry Ron!

Ron- That's ok!

Me- Well I'm glad everyone's happy… now go inside! We will be taping the first episode in about 2 hours so make sure you look your best!

Tina- Yes yes, no schnitzels on you!

All- OO


	3. Why me?

Me- Alright people, it's time to start getting ready for the show!

**(No one moves, they are all lounging around)**

Me-Guuuyyyyysss come

**(No one moves still)**

Me- Coooommmmeee oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!

**(All look up... annoyed?)**

Me- **(stops)** Half hour you bucketheads!

Parvati- That is not even enough time to do my hair boss madam.

Me- **(thinks)** Well... if you don't start getting ready soon, I will see that every hair and makeup product in this house is removed. That way no one will take super long to get ready and you'll all be equal and ugly! Hey maybe I should take all the clothes away too... then it would be even quicker!

Dave while sitting in a chair **(puts down newspaper)-** Nudity is not allowed on prime time television

Me-Well we're not prime time anyway! And if anything we could just move to the Playboy network... I'm sure they would want us **(looks at Crabbe and Goyle)** Ok, maybe not you guys... you can go to Logo the gay network!

Dave- **(covers eyes)** Oh dear God...you're nuts.

All- **(shocked)**

Me- Ahem... ok whatever, but please start getting ready. If you do, I'll... um...oh, I'll buy you all ice cream!

**(The menfolk are happy, the ladies are not)**

Me- **(looks)** Oh oops...oh yeah and frozen yogurt of course! Girls need to watch their figures!

Dumbledore- **(mumbles)** What figures?

The girls- **(throw dead frogs at Dumbledore)**

Me- Errr, well now that that's settled...oh yeah... **(screams)** TINAAAAAAAA!!!! WHERE THE EFF ARE YOU?!?!!??!

Tina **(in the kitchen eating Cheesy Poofs)-** Tibitut! I'll be right there!

Hermione **(all the way from up the stairs)-** Don't talk with your mouth full co-host Tina

Tina- How did she**...(gets cut off)**

Me- Thank you Hermione Granger girl wonder for actually starting to get ready! That's it... all of you, go up those frickin' stairs now!

Ron- Yes mum.

Me- Don't use that tone of voice with me!

Ron- Merlin, you really do sound like my mom

Me- I practice donchakno!

Ron- And we're the crazy ones?

Me- Don't start with me you...

**(As the contestants start heading up stairs, there is a knock at the door)**

Dave- Harry get the door!

Harry- Why me?

Dave- You have the most famous face so it's good publicity!

Harry **(walks to the door)-** That's just not fair...who is it?

Courtney- It's Courtney... let me inside God dammit! **(bangs on the door again)**

Harry- Who the hell is Courtney? Anyone know a Courtney?

All- **(No answer... they're all upstairs)**

Me- Oh crap... get out of my way Hairy Harry that's my girl Courtney!

Courtney- **(stops banging on the door)** Wait, what???? I was just talking to Harry Potter??? HOLY SHIT! He's hot!

Harry- **(backs away from the door)** Not another fan girl...

Courtney- Let me in so I can see Harry!

Me- What? Oh, OK! **(goes and opens the door)** Hey there... what do you want from me?

Courtney-** (looks around)** HI HARRY!! **(She giggles and waves)**

Harry- **(dives behind the couch)**

Courtney- Aw he must be tired! **(turns back to me)** Can't I just come and say hi to my good friend Keri?

Me- **(sighs)** You're about 15 minutes early. Come back in another 10.

Courtney- Gotcha... bye Harry I love you!

Harry- (**sticks his hand up from behind the couch and waves)**

**(Courtney leaves and the contestants make their way back down the stairs)**

Draco- What was that?

Me- That thing? She lives next door, not with Sirius, on the other side. Just all will have to get used to her... I did.

Dave comes running in from the backyard

Dave- We only have five minutes left! I'm spazzing... I'm spazzing! I'm... **(Hermione slaps him in the face)**

All- Whoa.

Draco- **(ducks)**

Ron- Ever since the Draco thing she does that all the time now...

Harry- She even did it to Dumbledore once...

Ron- But he thanked her and gave her candy!

Crabbe- Candy?!?!?

Goyle- **(drools)**

Me- Great... now the floors are dirty with Slytherin drool!

Snape- There is nothing wrong with Slytherin drool...

Draco- Especially mine!

Snape- Agreed.

Dave- WHY DON'T YOU LICK IT OFF THE GROUND THEN IF YOU LIKE IT SO MUCH?!?!?!!?!?

All- **(shocked)**

Tina- Greuty... Dave seriously did spaz

Parvati- I'm not surprised...

Lavender- He looks damn sexy angry though... rawr!

All-** (shocked x2)**

Me- Well, er, you all still get frozen treats still!

All- HOORAY!

Me- But first some ground rules.

All- BOO!!

Me- It will be quick, relax. Just please listen to the instructions for the puzzles very very carefully. Tina is only going to repeat the directions once so listen closely!

All- **(nod)**

Me- And... I can not stress this enough, act like yourselfs! Don't try to act all perfect and stuff because most likely you won't get anywhere and all the fan mail will be about how lame-o you all are so don't do that because I want everyone to like me and I want to be able to do another season! Oh and don't be nervous either!

Snape- Thank you miss, we all feel a hell of a lot better

Me- Excuse me, Mr. Sir-Snape-A-Lot, please refrain from using language in front of all these little children. One million points from Slytherin for inappropriate language

Snape- **(growls)**

All Gryffindors- Woo!

Me- Duh... I don't remember what I was going to say because I was rudely interrupted... oh now I remember... it's showtime!!!

In an instant there are cameras everywhere (it's like magic or something!) and everyone is being shooed into little closet like rooms, for the opening scene

Jack the cameraman- **(holding up his fingers)** OK we're on in 5...4...3...2...1...!!!!

* * *

Me- Hullo! And... hold on, can I spit out my gum?

Dave- **(offset)** NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Me- Ok fine! **(looks back at the camera)** Welcome into the lives of people as they are trapped in a beautiful house, for 3 straight months! That really is a long time if you think about it... Oh and at the end of these 3 months each player that is still sane will receive $50,000 gallons, which is not too shabby at all!It's not that easy though, there will be a puzzle which will be quite difficult, at least to me anyway! The players will either be split up, or work individually on these puzzle to get moola! Well, now I think I've talked enough, my name is Keri by the way, lets meet or contestants!!

Dave- That was horrible.

Me- What do you know anyway you silly producer man!

The poor contestants are each crammed into a closet type little confessional room thing.

Me- I think we're going to introduce them in alphabetical order, is it Dave?

Dave- **(sighs and shakes his head)**

Me- Oh they're not **(Laughs)** Well... here is whoever...

* * *

Harry- Hey, I'm Harry Pooter and I... wait, what? Hey my queue card is wrong!

Me- Dammit Harry... you know your own name, for God sakes, just keep going!

Harry- Not my fault people can't spell for beans... OK, I'm Harry Potter the boy who lived. I am a 4th year at Hogwarts, and I love Cho Chang. Wait... what the eff Ron?!? I'm gunna hex you for that!

All laughing off stage and all in the closet rooms

Me- NEXT!

* * *

Hermione- Hello, I am Miss Hermione Granger, I am one of the top students at Hogwarts, and I love reading in my spare time

* * *

Ron- Hey all you out there, I am Mr. Ron Weasly, I am a 4th year at Hogwarts just like my best bud Harry Potter, and I am the Chudley Cannons number one fan!

* * *

Draco- Hey ladies, I am the ever loving Draco Malfoy, I am a rich sexy guy who is loved by women everywhere, and Professor Snape.

Me- Awwwwkward...

* * *

Snape- Hello, all you worthless, non-talented viewers, I am Professor Severus Snape, I teach potions at Hogwarts, and I don't want to be here.

Sirius, who happens to be sitting next to all the directors, yells "BOO!" and throws a tomato over the closet room, and hits Snape with it

Snape- I'm going to get you Black.

Sirius- Not while stuck in there you won't!

* * *

Prof. M. - Hello I am Professor M., I am the transfiguration teacher at Hogwarts, and I love MTV!

Me- Uh, moving on?

* * *

Dumbledore- I am Professor Albus Dumbledore, I am the headmaster at Hogwarts, and candy is tasty!

* * *

Parvati- Hiya! I am Parvati Patil, I am an attendant of Hogwarts, I have come here with my best friend Lavender, and I am fabulous!

* * *

Lavender- Hey, I am Lavender Brown. I am also an attendant of Hogwarts, with my best friend Parvati, and I love bunny rabbits!

* * *

Goyle- I'm Goyle, I go to Hogwarts, and I'm Draco's bodyguard.

* * *

Crabbe- I'm Crabbe, I go to Hogwarts and I'm also Draco's bodyguard.

* * *

Me- Ugh, that took mad long. Alright everyone in the closets feel free to, er, free yourselves

The all come out looking very cramped and unhappy, but then they all see food on a table. The guys run at the table and the girls walk but alas, they are stopped

Me- You have to complete your first puzzle first...lest we make this episode a good one!

All- **(grumble angrily)**

Me- Oh sure... get mad at the frickin' messenger because your piggys! See if I ever help you people out anymore... whatevs, here's Tina to explain the rules.

Tina- Splinxinitate Keri!! First, you will all have to wenchitiop a Spluggy, after that you must guritinopdide the spluggy , then dupoklipi back to Keri and tell her the ventituch! If you get the ventituch back to Keri in mook blee 30 loaporures, then you get $10,000 gallons!! As long as you eventually all bring the ventituch back to Keri, you all get $5,000 gallons and the food!!! Good luck everyone!

All- **(jaws on ground)**

Me- Hey thanks Tina! Now why don't you go tell Dave the new puzzle you were telling me about the other day!

Tina- Okie dokie... bye bye!

Me- Well I guess I'll go too...

Ron- What the bloody hell did she say?

Prof. M- You got me son!

Me- Well you all got mad at me so I figured you could figure it out yourselves

Hermione- But... we need the...the directions... **(looks around frantically)**

Me- Oh god now I can't leave! Hermione has always been one of my favorites and I would never want to upset her with confusion! I'll explain them... don't worry!

Hermione- **(calms down and smiles nervously)**

Me- The rules, oh yes, it really is quite simple! Find the clue somewhere in this house, then figure it out. After that, come back to me and tell me the answer. If you bring it back to me in less than 30 minutes, you get $10,000 gallons. As long as you all bring back the answer at all, you will get an automatic $5,000 gallons and the food. Actually you'll all get the food no matter what so no starvation here! **(thinks)** That's about it!

All- **(nods)**

Me- So when I say go you, um, go!

All- (**nod again)**

Me- GO!!

The contestants sprint away **(well, the menfolk sprint anyway)** and begin searching for the clues. All the clues are hidden in the same room though because that's just funny.

Me- **(laying on the couch)** Five minutes have passed and I can't believe that none of them have found it yet! All the clues are the same by the way, it's quite a funny riddle, one of my personal favorites.

Hermione, of course, found her clue in the room that all the clues are in, it reads "If a clerk in a local butcher shop is 5'10, what does he weight?"

Dave- **(reads the clue at that moment) **You have got to be kidding me.

Me- I know what you're thinking and I'll tell you right now I was in hurry and I couldn't think of any riddles so I just put this. At least they won't starve and they will have some money

Dave- You are a hopeless fool

Me- The one and only!

Hermione- **(back in the room)** Well this is quite an easy one.

Ron and Prof. M. run in

Ron- What's easy? Did you find your clue?

Hermione **(puts the clue behind her back**)- Of course not Ronald

Prof M.- Yes you did, I can see it in your hand!

Hermione- Well I would love to stay and chat but I must depart!

She runs out of the room and downstairs.

Me- Took you long enough.

Hermione- The answer is "meat"

Me- Surprising no one you answered the question correctly and was the first one to do so. You get money and food!

Hermione- Thank you!

Me- Now go sit somewhere and don't cheat!

In the next 15 minutes, Ron, Prof. M., Parvati, Lavender, Harry, and Draco all come down with the right answer. Dumbledore comes about 30 seconds before the thirty minutes is up.

Me- Where's the other idiots?

Jack the Cameraman- I'm pretty sure they got lost

All-** (laugh)**

Eventually Snape comes down and since Draco is his favorite student, he got the answer right. Crabbe and Goyle come down about an hour later, they both also got the answers of Draco.

Me- Good job, you all get the money and the food!

They all smile and run to start eating... which is unnecessary to tell of; Ron ate too much and passed out. After all the eating the contestants end up chillin' in the living room playing with stuff. They had begun a group game of Palace **(the only card game of Garfield High School!)**

Dumbledore- Mr. Snape, I believe you just cheated.

Snape- I didn't cheat headmaster. You are such a liar.

Dumbledore-** (throws cards at Snape)** You suck.

All- **(groan because the cards got all messed up)**

Courtney- Shut up over there! I am trying to read an article about Harry!

Draco- When the hell did you get here you obsessive freak?

Courtney- You're one to talk... oh blah blah "Everyone loves me especially Professor Snape". That's not obsessive????

Draco- Shut up bitch!

Courtney- Make me you asshole!

Draco- You're a slut!

Courtney- At least I'm not a gay homosexual!

Draco- **(gasps)**

Me- THAT'S IT!

Dave- Hey I'm the only one allowed to spaz out...

Me- COURTNEY GO HOME! DRACO GO TO BED! DUMBLY AND SNAPE GO TO BED TOO! **(breathes deeply)**

Courtney- Fine ok, I understand, but next time Draco, your mine...

Draco- Yeah you and you're horrible hair have me shaking...

Courtney- Watch your back Malfoy face! And goodbye to everyone... sweet dreams Harry!** (leaves)**

Me- Aw so cute, she loves Harry

Ron- But he loves Cho... he said so himself. They're going to have to fight over him!

Harry- Why I oughta... **(starts chasing Ron around the house until everyone gets bored of watching them)**

After about an hour of just doing nothing Harry stops chasing Ron, and everyone goes to bed

Me- OK, everyone has a place to sleep right?

All- **(nod)**

Me- Fabulous! Everyone makes sure to set your alarms...

Ron- Or what exactly?

Me- **(laughs crazily)** Oh you'll see...sweet dreams my little sugar plums!

Dave- Oh good God...

After a couple seconds...

Me- Well... goodnight everyone!

All- Good night host Keri!

Me- Awww what sweethearts... good first episode!

This shit has been revamped because my grammar and spelling usage were horrible and my jokes were not at all funny... fixed yes thank you!


	4. Harry's mmmmmiiiinnnneeee!

Fourth chapter for story  
  
**Just a random day, their gunna meet some new. Neighbors and our favorite twins Fred and George!!!!  
  
Me- OMG!!! Why the hell aren't they up!!!! I told them what would happen if they didn't listen to me!!! I'm gunna make sure that they all remember next time!!  
  
Dave- now now, don't do anything crazy, we are not insured for any deaths or nothing. (I ran up the stairs when he said the second "now") Keri!!!! Come back here!!!  
  
I run up about 3 flights of stairs (::damn I should've used the elevator:: ) and into a room that many and many different cameras in each if all the rooms in the house.  
  
Me- Who the heck sleeps at 9:00?!?!?!? Not me and not them that's who!!! Time to wake up my friends!!  
  
I make sure the speakers in all the rooms are on maximum volume, and that they are next to the beds. As soon as that's done, I start playing Metallica and I start singing at the top of my lungs. (** F.Y.I. My singing is bad enough to make a grown man cry in horror, just so you all know**)  
  
Me- SLEEP WITH ON EYE OPENED, GRIPPIN' YOUR PILLOW TIGHT, EXIT LIGHT!!! ENTER NIGHT!!! TAKE MY HAND, WE'RE OFF TO NEVER NEVER LAND!!!!  
  
Everyone screams, and Snape starts to cry, and he hugs his Mr. Potato head. Draco gives me the finger and then runs to tend to Snape. Ron falls off his bed and claims he's injured and everyone else curses at me. I just stand there and smile.  
  
Me- I told you to set your alarms!! Why don't you people listen, do u got chocolate frogs in your ears, and broomsticks up your arses????  
  
All- O_O  
  
Me- Sorry there, but I told u now we are gunna be late for um.. I can't remember what, but Dave said u hadta be up by 6:00 and its 9 get up now!!!! And u should all apologize to the staff members cusp they all hadta get up at like 5!!!  
  
All- ::silence::  
  
Me- "we are sorry staff members for waking up so late" now u say it.  
  
All- We are sorry staff members for waking up late.  
  
All 20 of the staff members- We accept your apology  
  
Me- Good great terrific, now everyone's happy! But I do wonder, why didn't you peoplz just wake up when I told u too. ::Makes a sad face::  
  
Seamus- well we didn't mean too of course, but when u went to sleep we all got up and kept exploring the house, which took about 4 hours so we all didn't get to bed til about 4.  
  
Me- Ohhhhhhhhhh, u were all just curious. Fine, I'll let it go just this once, but.. Whose idea was it too explore??  
  
Ron- It was him!!! (He points at Harry)  
  
Harry- No!!! I did no such thing!! I swear!!!  
  
Me- ::gasp:: No swearing Harry!!!  
  
Ron- ::laughs::  
  
Me- ::looks at wrist but there's nothing on it:: Great now we are all going to be late!!  
  
Parvati- Late for what???  
  
Me- ummmmm, for a very important date!!!! Hahahahaha!!!!  
  
Dean- FOREVER AND EVER LET'S MAKE THIS LAST FOREVER!!!!  
  
Me- Hey Blink 182, popealicous!!! I am such a movie line taker!!!!!  
  
All- o.o  
  
Me- Forgive me. Let's go now!!  
  
Everyone groans and they start walking down the flights of stairs while I take the elevator!!!! After fifteen minutes and a rest stop, they contestants make it down the stairs to see me sitting and a playing around with my laptop.  
  
Me- geez what took u peoplz soooooo long!! Oh yeah, I made u use the stairs!!!  
  
Snape (who by the way stopped crying)- What do u mean?  
  
Me- Umm, I forgot to tell u that we have an elevator in this house!!  
  
All- (everyone gives a death glare)  
  
Snape- I'm gunna kill u!! (He whips out his wand and yells something)  
  
Everyone- AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Everyone runs away and I hide behind the couch when all of the sudden a baseball comes through the window and hits Snape on the head and knocks him unconsiscous.  
  
Me- Oh my Goodyness!! Saved by the Steven!!!!  
  
Dumbledore- Saved by the what??  
  
Before anyone else says anything, the doorbell rings and I run and open it.  
  
Steven- ERRRRR. did I hit someone, I heard people scream, quite girlish actually (Everyone looks at the boyz) then I saw my baseball fly threw the window.  
  
Me- Yea, u did hit someone, u hit the right person though. (I point at Snape lying on the floor)  
  
Steven- Cool!!! I hit Snape; I've always hated him anyway!!!  
  
Me- Anyways, peoplz this is my cuzin Steven, he lives across the street!!! See, I know everyone who lives around here!  
  
Harry- Baseball, errrr, what's that??  
  
Steven- Ah, let me teach u. Its fun and u can keep hitting Snape with baseballs, when u get the hang of it.  
  
Draco- Hey, don't hurt my Snapy!!  
  
Steven- Draco hey is for horses  
  
All- ::laughs::  
  
Me- Good idea everyone outside, free activity!!!  
  
Everyone- ^_^  
  
So everyone goes outside and starts playing with stuff. Steven is teaching Harry how to catch a baseball, Ron, Dean, and Seamus are swimming, and Dumbledore is showing everyone impressive tricks on the rings on the swing set, even though he's like 150.  
  
Me- ::laughs:: Whoever said u can't teach an old Dumbledore new tricks?  
  
Everyone- ::laughs::  
  
I was sitting in the Jacuzzi by myself just watching everyone, Hermione was swinging, and Prof. M., Parvati, and Lavender were playing on the trampoline. Snape was still unconscious and Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle were trying to do a cheerleading lift. (**Don't ask**)  
  
Crabbe and Goyle had just dropped Draco because obviously they are no cheerleaders.  
  
Draco- Dammit u asses!! Can't u just do a simple formation! Why I outta.  
  
At that moment Draco then got hit in the head with a baseball, and fell unconscious as well.  
  
Steven- There you go Harry!! You're getting it now!!!  
  
Harry- And I hit Draco!!  
  
Cho Chang (peering from over the fence) my hero!!!  
  
Me- What the hell!?!?!?!?!  
  
Ron- That's Cho, Harry's lover!!!  
  
Harry (blushing every shade of red) well. I. errrr.  
  
Cho- Oh no need top be embarrassed Harry!  
  
She pulls him into the house and they um don't come out.  
  
Me (thinks for a minute then another and eventually stops after about 7) I'll fix that Cho's wagon!! Hahahahahaha!! Josh, please bring me a phone dear!  
  
A really hot butler without a shirt (Like I promised) appeared and handed me a cordless phone. All the gurlz are drooling.  
  
Josh- Is that it??  
  
Me- Yes, than babe!  
  
Josh winks and goes away.  
  
Hermione (who has stopped drooling) - what are u going to do???  
  
Me- That bitch can't treat my friends like that!!!!!! I'm calling someone. Hello?? Courtney?  
  
All- ::gasp::  
  
Me- Yes everything's good... Well I would say he's good.. no no calm down I just need you over here A.S.A.P.. good gurl, yea bye!  
  
Courtney rushes over before you could say Voldemort.  
  
Courtney- What happened is something wrong with Harry???  
  
Me- No, but I think you should come with me.  
  
As everyone walks inside the house I stop to tell Hermione something.  
  
Me- K, I know they are going to fight so you know what I want you to do??  
  
Hermione- Have an ambulance waiting??  
  
Me- No silly it won't be that bad, just make sure everyone has popcorn!  
  
Hermione- OOOOOOOKKKKKK  
  
I run upstairs and tell everyone to go wait in the camera room. I direct Courtney to the room Harry and Cho are in and.  
  
Courtney- WHAT THE F*** IS GOING ON?!?!?! WHO THE F*** IS THAT??  
  
Cho- I'm his girlfriend and I suggest you leave before you do something you might regret. So go, go Honey, cuz Harry is mmmmmmiiiinnnneee.  
  
Courtney just stares and then launches at Cho, pulling her hair, hitting her with flower pots (** Just think of the scene from Superstar**) Harry is screaming like Will Ferrell did in the movie.  
  
Me- Hermione u got the popcorn???  
  
Hermione- Yep, just like you asked!!  
  
All the guyz (** Note that Draco and Snape are still downstairs unconscious**) - This is wicked a cat fight!!  
  
Lavender- I'll bet anyone that Courtney wins.  
  
Me- She will she is soooo much stronger than Cho it's not even funny.  
  
After about a half hour Cho gets chucked out a window.  
  
Cho (Lying on the ground) I'll get you Courtney!!!!  
  
Courtney- Why won't u die??????  
  
Me (comes into the room) Movie line taker!!!!!  
  
Both of use- ::giggles::  
  
Me- U ok though???  
  
Courtney- Yea, never better!! I just kicked her ass and threw her out the window, life couldn't be better!!!!!  
  
Harry- Whoa that was one hell of a fight! Courtney u did really good u think you could teach me how to fight like that??  
  
Courtney (smiles with triumph) Of course!!!! I loved too!!!!  
  
They walk out of the room down the gym in the basement and I give the thumbs up to Courtney.  
  
Dumbledore- Well that was interesting!  
  
Me (walking back downstairs where everyone had gone) wasn't though!!! I love happy ending days like this they are so. so.  
  
Seamus- Happy????  
  
Me- Right!!!!!!  
  
All- O_O  
  
Steven- ::yawn:: This has been loads of fun, but I've gotta go, I'll see all of ya another day, maybe even tomorrow!!! Yo Keri, tell Harry to keep practicing, Peace out!  
  
All- Bye Steven!!  
  
Me- Bye!  
  
When the door shuts.  
  
Me- Wow!! I didn't have to tell all of you to say goodbye today!!! Good job!!!!  
  
A little bit later Harry come upstairs looking extremely messed up.  
  
Ron- What the hell did she do to you?  
  
Harry- You think she would've told me that she's a boxer? I was having my first boxing lesson down there. She kicked the crap outta me too.  
  
Me- So what your saying is, you had lots fun??  
  
Harry- Yea, pretty much.  
  
Tina then comes running in the door.  
  
Tina- What did I uglurip?  
  
For once everyone understands Tina and starts yelling about all the stuff that had happened. She yells runs out of the door, then comes back in and runs into the kitchen and grabs the cheese poof thingys and run back out still screaming. Snape and Draco finally wake up but Tina had run out screaming at that exact moment and she scared Draco and he fainted knocking over Snape who caught him but fell on the floor once again becoming unconscious.  
  
Me- LOL!! At least we'd know who would be off the show first!!!!  
  
All- ::laughs::  
  
Me- Ok it's kinda late so let's go to bed now and please set your alarms for 7:00 pleez!!! Goodnight!!!  
  
All- ::silence::  
  
Me- GRRRRR! Say goodnight everyone!!!!  
  
All- Goodnight everyone!!!  
  
Me- Close enough!!!  
  
**** I hope you all liked this chapter; I tried to make it as funny as possible so people would actually read it and review it. So pleez review, the next chapter has to be the 2nd episode, and I only have one vote!! All you peoplz have to post who you want to go insane first!! Next chapter will have Fred and George in it!!! 


	5. Drunky!

**Hi everyone!!! Well only 5 reviews, one from myself, I decided to just write my story anywayz. So u all know the disclaimer, I own none of the characters, except myself. Well, the next episode isn't for a while, unless someone asks. Sooooooo, it's just a normal day at the Mansion.  
  
Ron- You're calling us normal??  
  
Author me- Yes, see in my world, everything kinda errrr not right, so u all are pretty much normal.  
  
Ron- ::snore:: Oh did I miss anything??  
  
Druuuuuunnnnnkkkkky!!!  
  
Me- Man, time really passes! Look it's seven o' clock in the morning!! Geez it's late!!  
  
All- ::glare::  
  
Me- Oh come on!! Don't give me that look. It's not my fault you're all just a big bunch of sleepy pplz!!  
  
Dave the Producer walks in  
  
Dave- What's with all the sad faces?!?!?! I wanted to come say H.A..L..L..O to my funny funny friends!!!  
  
All- *_*  
  
Dave- What?!?!? Do I need to sing?? SING A HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY SONG!!  
  
Me- Dave!?!?!?!  
  
Dave- Huh?  
  
Me- Ur drunk aren't u?  
  
Dave- Ummmm maybe I had this many bottles to drink (he holds up ten fingers)!! ::giggles madly::  
  
Me- U do know that you'll have a really bad hangover tomorrow right?  
  
Dave- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! I WANNA BE HAPPY FOREVER AND EVER LET'S MAKE THIS LAST FOREVER!!!  
  
Me- Argh, don't I hear enough of your singing, and that one very popealious song.  
  
Dave- Ok you crazy cats, I'm gunna go watch Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets!!  
  
Harry- What?? I'm in a movie??? OMG!!!!  
  
Ron- Can I be in it?  
  
Harry- You can be a tree!!  
  
Ron- OK!!!  
  
Fred and George suddenly come walking through the door.  
  
Ron- Hello twins brothers of mine!  
  
Fred- Hey we'd thought that we'd come and bug you cuz we weren't doing anything anyway.  
  
Draco- Good reason  
  
All- ::nods::  
  
Fred- Who wants turkey, turkey, turkey?!?!?!!?  
  
All- Turkey??  
  
Everyone runs into the dining room, and everyone sits down and looks at the turkey that Fred magically made.  
  
Hermione- I don't trust this turkey.  
  
Jessica pops through the door.  
  
Jessica- HI EVERYONE!!!!!!  
  
All- AHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Dean- Psycho killer!!!  
  
Me- No she's not, at least I think she's not. (** actually it would be easy to mistake her for a crazy person. Why with her black hair, white skin, black makeup, and the gothic clothes, u know seems reasonable**)  
  
Jessica- OMG!!!! IT'S GEORGE WEASLEY!!! I LOVE YOU GEORGE!!!!!!!!!!!!! (She runs out the door screaming)  
  
Sirius- Shut up down there!!!! (Sees Jessica) oh. um. hi jessy. I haveta go now bye.  
  
Me- AHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Harry- I don't get it, why is Sirius afraid of her??  
  
Me- Well, Jessica kinda put a curse on him once, you know, she like made his um, manhood disappear, and he was kinda um screaming for about two nights straight until she did the counter curse.  
  
All- ::laughs hysterically::  
  
Prof M- Sooo about this turkey, I'm with Hermione, I don't trust Fred.  
  
Fred-::makes a fake sad face:: I am truly shocked!! I can not believe u wouldn't trust me with something like this!!  
  
Ron- Really?  
  
Fred- No not really, I can't pull that off. But I didn't do anything to the turkey.  
  
Snape- Good enough for me!!  
  
Snape starts digging into the turkey with Goyle and Crabbe.  
  
Parvati- Animals  
  
Me- Right on girl!! (Gives Parvati a high five)  
  
Hermione- Uh oh, I told you.  
  
Snape, Goyle, and Crabbe had all grown feathers and had giant 4 foot long purple tongues.  
  
Fred- Hey someone actually fell for it!!  
  
Me- Wait a minute Weasley. I though you said there was nothing wrong with the turkey, and what the hell did you do to it.  
  
Fred- Well of course I lied, and George and me added tongue ton toffees and canary creams to the turkey. For the prankster hoping to trick groups of people rather than just one person.  
  
Me and Ron- Bloody Brilliant!!  
  
All- ::laughs::  
  
Seamus- Do you have any real turkey??  
  
George- Do you think any of us really know who to cook??  
  
Me- I do!!!!! I'm gunna be a chef yes I am!! (Magically conjures up a turkey with lots of other thanksgivingy stuff)  
  
All- YUM!!!  
  
Everyone sits and munches in silence.  
  
Ginny- Hey how come I wasn't invited!!  
  
Me- OMG!! I'm soooo sorry Ginny! It turns out your twins brothers decided to pop up and make me make them turkey and stuff. I would've called you!!  
  
Fred- Hey we didn't make you make us turkey, u wanted to!!  
  
Me- Ummmmm no. ::blushes::  
  
Ginny- OK!! Can I eat then??  
  
Hermione- Of course, come sit by me!!  
  
Ginny- Ok!! ^_^  
  
After about an hour of eating everyone is too stuffed to play outside so everyone sits in the living room and does nothing.  
  
Seamus- Turn on the TV!!!  
  
Harry- I will!  
  
Harry runs to the TV but Hermione turns it on with the remote  
  
Hermione- TOO SLOW!!! (Sticks tongue out at Harry)  
  
Me- Stop it!! Give me that remote!  
  
Both stop and Hermione hands over the remote, and there's nothing on until we find out that Harry Potter and the Chamber on Secrets is on  
  
All- *o*  
  
Hermione- When did they make a movie about us?? How did they know about us?? I didn't sign anything! Where's my lawyer?!?!?!?!  
  
Parvati- I hate to say it but the guy that plays Draco is extremely hot  
  
All girls- ::sigh::  
  
Me- OMG, look how hot the Harry Potter actor is, and the Ron actor is, and the Fred actor, and the George actor, and the Oliver Wood actor, and the one guy from the Slytherin quidditch team actor, they're all really hot!!!  
  
All girls- YEA WE KNOW!!!!!  
  
Harry- You think that guy is hotter than me? (Smoothes back hair)  
  
Lavender- Dude, we know he is hotter than u  
  
Harry- I am so offended now!!  
  
Cho comes through the door  
  
Cho- Harry you are the hottest guy ever!!!  
  
She jumps on Harry and pulls him out of the room. Suddenly there's a knock on the door, it's Courtney  
  
Courtney- Hi all, sup??  
  
All- ERRRRRRR  
  
Courtney- What, why are you making the somethings-wrong-but-we-shouldn't- tell-you-cuz-well-it-involves-you face?  
  
Me- Ummmm, Fred, George come with me. Courtney follow us.  
  
We lead her to the room and she sees Cho on top of Harry kissing him.  
  
Courtney- I THOUGHT I KICKED YOUR ASS LAST TIME!!! YOUR REALLY GUNNA GET IT NOW!!!!!!! YOU TOO HARRY!!!  
  
Harry lets out a girly cry in fright and hides in the corner. Courtney lunges at Cho and really starts beating her up, kickboxing champ moves and all. After about 15 minutes, Courtney decides to throw Cho out the window again, but Fred and George stop her first.  
  
Cho- Thanx boys, Girl you've been touched by an angel, if only your loser friend hadn't brought these too guyz with her, you'd be down on the floor!!  
  
As Cho walks out, Courtney goes for her again but of course I push Courtney out of the way and knock Cho to the ground with a pan (** You can't take being called a loser and not do anything, or at least I can't**) Cho is on the ground and Fred and George drag her out of the room and back to her house. Courtney gives me a look  
  
Me- Hey don't ask me where I got the pan from ok??  
  
Courtney- Ok!  
  
We go downstairs and no one says anything. After a while, Crabbe and Goyle start break dancing, Snape starts talking to the chair, and the girls start playing 500 Rummy  
  
Me- YAY!! I win again!!  
  
Hermione- I'm tired let's go to sleep!!  
  
All- Ok!!  
  
Everyone drops on the floor and their all asleep in 1 minute  
  
**DONE!! 6th chapter is done. Not enough votes so I can't do another actual show so juts random dayz for now. Hope yall enjoyed it!!! Do you hear it??? The story is yelling, "REVIEW ME!! REVIEW ME!!" Do as the story told you!!!** 


	6. Next episode!

**Hi everyone!!!!! I got reviews!!! YAY! Sooooooo, it's the next chapter with the second episode! Enjoy! So the disclaimer, I own no one but myself, unless someone owns me and I don't know about it. ::gasps:: Oh NO!!! (Runs to an encyclopedia)  
  
Second episode  
  
Me- I can't wait!!  
  
Ron- Wait till the next episode?  
  
Me- NOOOOOOO!! The next season of the mole!! Anderson, I LOVE YOU!!!! (Faints)  
  
All- @_@  
  
Me- (gets up) I tricked you! Ok you all know the drill. You're all ready for the next episode. Someone's going home tonight!!!  
  
All- YAY!  
  
Me- No, you see, that's bad  
  
All- Oh, BOO!!!  
  
Me- ::sighs:: Tina is making up the puzzle today, cuz I told her she could. Ummm, Jessy, Courtney, Sirius, and Samantha are gunna be here today! I have sooooo many friends!  
  
Harry- Sirius isn't your friend, he's my godfather! ::sticks out tongue::  
  
Lavender- BUNNIES!!!!  
  
All- *_*  
  
Me- Um anywayz. nevermind.  
  
All- OK!  
  
Dave walks in  
  
Dave-Owwwwwy!! My head hurts ::sobs::  
  
Draco- ::points at Me:: she told u  
  
Dave- I don't care (shoots a glare)  
  
Snape- (whimpers)  
  
Me- ::laughs::  
  
All- (looks)  
  
Me- What?? Was that not supposed to be funny??  
  
Hermione- No  
  
Me- Oh well I thought it was. Nevermind again, Dave go take two aspirins and take a nap. Sirius can run the show for today. (Rummages through a big bag and pulls out a bottle of aspirin) and remember, ONLY TWO, NOT SIX, NOT TEN, TWO!  
  
Dave- Ok (walks away)  
  
Me- Ron be a dear and call Sirius.  
  
Ron- K  
  
Snape- Let me do it!!(Grabs cell phone and dials) Hello. (Uses fake accent) I calling for a Black Mr. Sirius. He you then??... I am Mr. Snapey!!... No I not selling insurance, no you no beat me with wand. . you go next door. you are the producer for the day. Really!!! I see you then. Oh I see you now then?... Huh?? I is not Snape!! Hello? Hello?  
  
Courtney (who had mysteriously come to the house) Haha he hung up on you!! No one likes you, you ugly guy, GO USE SOME SHAMPOO!!!!  
  
Snape (yanks out wand and yells)  
  
All- AHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Me- Not again!!  
  
Everyone runs while Snape looks for Courtney, then Jessica walks in  
  
Jessica- HELLO MY FAVORITE PPLZ!!!  
  
Snape- AHHHH!!!  
  
Jessica- hey psycho  
  
Snape- points wand at Jessica  
  
Jessica- Oh come on (pulls out wand and points it, errrr, downward) "dissperaita"  
  
A burst of light comes from Jessica's wand and then.  
  
Snape- AHHHHHH!!!! Look what you've done!!!  
  
Jessica- ::laughs hysterically when Snape runs out of the house screaming::  
  
Everyone finally comes out of hiding  
  
Harry- What'd you do??  
  
Courtney- I KNOW!! She took away his manhood!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
All except Draco, Goyle, and Crabbe- ::laughs so hard they all fall on the floor::  
  
Draco- Poor Snape!!! Goyle! Crabbe!! We haveta go find him!!!!(They all run out the door)  
  
Prof M- Soooo, how long will it be till' you give him his manhood back??  
  
Sirius- People!! We need to start the show like NOW!  
  
Me- ::mumbles, bossy face::  
  
Sirius- What?  
  
Me- Nothing, fine.  
  
Sirius- Ok Jack!  
  
Jack the cameraman- We're on in 5.4.3.2.1.!!!!!  
  
Me- (sounding bored) Hello, again, you have tuned into the Mansion, I hope you have all watched it before cuz I'm not telling you about it, so there Sirius!  
  
Sirius- Oh come on!! Don't take my bossiness seriously! You know I love you!  
  
Me- You were being mean to me on purpose!!! Anywayz (shoots death glare at Sirius) someone is going home tonight, meaning, someone is gunna go insane! You know its much better saying it that way, it sounds more. fun!! Right??  
  
Staff- (nods)  
  
Me- Ok yall know who is on this show, the Hogwarts cast of course!  
  
Everyone comes down the stairs.  
  
Me- Did any of those guyz come bak yet?  
  
All- (shakes heads)  
  
Me- Fine! They lose $10,000 gallons cuz they disobeyed my rules!!! Ok time for a game!  
  
All- BOO!!!!!  
  
Me- TINA!!!!!!!!!!! U HAVETA EXPALIN THE GAME!!! NOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!  
  
Tina runs down the stairs just as Draco, Snape, Goyle, and Crabbe walk in. Tina then, once again, trips over Draco's foot.  
  
ME- OMG!!! Draco, even if you've done it before, it's still not very nice!! $5,000 gallons out of your pot!! Everyone go sit down!  
  
Tina- Dang, ur gityleoeped!!  
  
All- 0_0  
  
Me- Hey thanx! I'll go sit now so you can explain the game!  
  
Tina- Alrighty then! Hey can I abondon the whole, makes up words thing?  
  
Me- Sure! It's much easier to understand u!!  
  
Tina- COOL!! But I can still luv cheesy poofs right??  
  
Me- A course!! U need at least one thing that makes u normal or you'll be like strange and stuff.  
  
Dumbledore- what do ya mean normal?  
  
ME- u know, if there's nothing wrong with u, then ur strange get it??  
  
All- NO  
  
Me- Oh well  
  
Sirius- Eh hem!!  
  
Me- Leave me alone loser!!!  
  
Sirius- I'll leave you alone when I want to!  
  
Ron- Maybe we could get the teams now?  
  
Sirius- Shutup Ron!!!!  
  
Me- Hey!! Leave Ron alone!! Ok, the teams. You're all divided into teams of two. The teams are. Ron, and Draco, Hermione and Crabbe, Goyle and Parvati, Snape and Prof. M., Harry and Dean, Dumbledore and Lavender, and Seamus is um, not playing.  
  
All- WHAT??  
  
Me- I told you, wait, ok so I didn't, but someone will sit out every game cuz there's an odd number of all you.  
  
Seamus- Fine with me!!! ^_^  
  
All- (glares)  
  
Me- Don't do the group glare!! Next episode it will be someone different, OK??  
  
All- Fine  
  
Me- (gives everyone little pieces of paper) Ok what you haveta find is written on the paper, if you and your partner can retrieve it in 1 hour, you'll each get $10,000 gallons!!! Ok, READY, SET, (cell phone rings) Oh hold on.  
  
Tina- I don't wanna wait, GO!!!!!!  
  
Everyone runs through the house trying to find their item, Ron and Draco are upstairs in the bathroom on the 4th floor  
  
Ron- How are we gunna find this??  
  
Draco- Don't talk to me!! I wanted to get paired up with Snape!! What is it anyway?  
  
Ron- We haveta find a (looks at paper) pair of red high heels, where could we find those?  
  
Both think, then at the same time  
  
Ron and Draco- Hermione's room!!!!  
  
They run to Hermione's room and go into her closet where the spot a really nice pair of red glitter kitten heels.  
  
Ron- I knew she'd have them!! I knew it!!!  
  
Draco- Dude lets go then!!  
  
They run.  
  
And run.  
  
And run.  
  
Until they reach the bottom level, out of breath.  
  
Me- Dammit u guyz!!! Y didn't u just use the elevator???  
  
Both guyz- -_-  
  
Tina- It doesn't matter!! You guyz found the pair of red high heels. Very nice ones may I add!  
  
Me- Yea!! We gotta ask Hermione where she got them!! Oh anywayz, um u guyz win!  
  
Draco and Ron- (do dance of victory)  
  
Tina- Ok um sit down  
  
Draco and Ron- (still doing dance)  
  
Me- Let me try, SIT DOWN NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Draco and Ron- (whimper and sit down immediately)  
  
Tina- Damn I gotta learn how to do that!  
  
Me- Don't worry I gets much easier, try practicing on Snape; he's the easiest to scare.  
  
Tina- LOL, OK, I will right now!!! (Runs while calling, "OH MR SNAPPY????")  
  
Draco- (yelling) IT'S SNAPEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1  
  
Me and Ron- @_@  
  
Draco- What???  
  
Me and Ron- Nothing  
  
Draco- ^_^ OK!!!  
  
**I LUV WRITING THIS!!!! Reviews make me soooo happy!!! Anywayz I hope yall enjoyed it!! There's gunna be the pairings in about two more chapters but since it's my vacation, I can get them out in like a daily thing!!! YAY FOR ME!!!  
  
Me- Ur not that good  
  
Keri- Hey shut up! I could erase you if I wanted to!  
  
Me- Bring it on!!!  
  
Keri- I don't have time to fight with a character I made up!  
  
Me- SOOOOOOOOO someone does own me, I knew it!!!  
  
Keri- ::sighs:: Oh well, hey listen to the story!! IT IS SAYING ONCE AGAIN "REVIEW ME!!! REVIEW ME!!! GIVE ME SUGGESTIONS ON WHO SHOULD GO INSANE!!!" 


	7. The elimination!

**HHHHHHHEEEEEY!!! I promise that someone will get kicked off today!! Won't that be fun? Ok no Courtney or Jessica today (sorry girls!) There is a twist to the voting off! ::grins evilly:: I own nothing and that's that!!**  
  
Next episode umm 2??  
  
Me- Hi!! :waves at camera:: You remember Tina?? Well even if you don't that's ok!! Wave Tina!!! ::Tina waves:: And over there is Draco and Ron, they finished their mission! Wave guys! ::they wave:: And that's everybody!  
  
Sirius- What about me??  
  
Me- I'm still mad at you!  
  
Draco- Why??  
  
Me- Because he was being mean to me first!  
  
Sirius- Don't hold a grudge!  
  
Me- ::glares::  
  
Sirius- ::mumbles (women)::  
  
Me- I heard that you A-hole!! You know what screw it; we have different things to do. Like.  
  
Ron- the show by any chance??  
  
Me- NOOO!! Tina did you see American idol? I love that cute lil red head with the really good voice? I was soooo sad when he didn't get picked!  
  
Ron- Me?  
  
Tina- No the other guy. He really could sing! That guy Ruben could really sing too.  
  
Ron- Hey I can sing!  
  
All- No don't!!  
  
Ron- ::sings::  
  
Tina- AHHH MY EARS!!!  
  
Me- EEEEEEEE!!!! I'M DYING!!!!!!  
  
Ron- ALL MY LIFE, I PRAY FOR SOMEONE LIKE YOU!! AND I THANK GOD THAT I, THAT I FINALLY FOUND YOOOOOOUUUUUU!!  
  
In the other room  
  
Lavender- What the barnacle is that?  
  
Dumbledore- Why the bloody hell did u say that?  
  
Lavender- Say what?? I didn't say anything.  
  
Dumbledore- Nevermind. Seriously what the hell is that??  
  
Lavender- Sounds like a baaaaaaannnnnsheeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!  
  
Dumbledore- Lets investigate!!!  
  
They run.  
  
And run.  
  
And.  
  
Dumbledore- Lets take the elevator!!  
  
Lavender- Okie dokie!!!!  
  
They take the elevator (much easier as you can all imagine) then they make it downstairs (In record time!!!! ^_^)  
  
Me- (over Ron, who is still singing) Hey you guys took the elevator!  
  
Dumbledore- Yes, now where is the banshee?? We could hear it all the way from upstairs  
  
Tina- Well not exactly, that's Ron singing ::points at Ron::  
  
Dumbledore- Oh  
  
Everyone just kinda stands there, until.  
  
Dumbledore- WAIT!!! ::grabs Ron's arm and pulls him over to show me and Tina:: A bad sounding noise!! I got it!!  
Me- Good job, Bumbledore that was in fact the thing that you and Lavender had to get!! (**Sorry for whoever I heard that from, I read it in a story, I think it was Saria Black's, but anyway, all credit for that name goes to her!**)  
  
All- O_O  
  
Me- Ok now we just gotta wait for the rest of em!  
  
While everyone waits, Lavender jumps around the room hoping, and saying over and over, "Bunny! Bunny! Bunny! Bunny! Bunny!"  
  
Me- She has gotta stop watching the Powerpuff Girls!  
  
So it doesn't take to long for everyone to come back, everyone makes it back with their object and everyone gets $10,000  
  
Later, like 2 hours before the elimination, the tension is on, but everyone is kinda just playin around with the cool stuff of the house  
  
Me- ::whispers to Tina:: u wanna tell them it's dark room time? I heard u were practicing yelling at Snape.)  
  
Tina- Yea ok!!! Hey everybody listen up!!  
  
No one listens  
  
Tina- Hey!!  
  
Me- Want me to do it??  
  
Tina- No I've got it, hey!!!!!!  
  
No one listens  
  
Tina- That's it!!! (She suddenly turns into like a scary monster kinda, like what a veela would turn into. But anyway, she scares the living crap out of like everybody and they are all instantly quiet) that's better! ::smiles sweetly:: It's confessional time!  
  
All- ::groan::  
  
Tina- Don't groan!!!  
  
All- (all become quiet, overcome with fear)  
  
Tina- Nothing to it!  
  
Me- You're good! But maybe we only use that for more extreme situations, I don't think they'll be that bad, will you guys??  
  
All- ::shake heads::  
  
Tina- Ok then, everybody! In!!! Now!!!  
  
They all run to their little closet confessional things, which make them very uncomfortable (Me- You could hear their complaining from a mile away!! ^_^)  
  
Me- Soooo ::claps hands together:: lets get started! Camera guys, when you're ready!  
  
Camera guy- Ok Hermione you're first  
  
Hermione- Ok, the house is great and everyone is really nice and stuff but I have developed an extreme disliking for Crabbe. Just after he was my partner and almost cost the entire game because he couldn't figure out the whether to turn the doorknob left or right was just really aggravating. The way he never pays attention just annoys me, and besides he spends way too much time with Draco, he should let me have some time with the sexiest guy on the face of the earth! That's pretty much it, Bye everyone! (She steps out of the closet thing with a sigh of relief)  
  
Me- Damn that takes long!  
  
Tina- Yea, maybe we should cut some out  
  
Me- HMMMMMM I dunno let's just see. Next!!  
  
Draco- Alright, the house is ok, mine is soooo much better though. I am praying that I do not go insane; I don't think I have yet, but I will act extra normal just in case. I think on of those girls has a crush on me, I was kinda hoping it was Snape but its not. It figures that they have the crush on me, I am so perfect and hot and an all around sexy guy!!! ::smiles and walks out of the closet thingy::  
  
All - O_O  
  
Me- That was weird, um next?  
  
Harry- This place is really fantastic. I'm not brown nosing or nothing, but this place is awesome, but think about it, I was locked in a cupboard under the stairs for almost all of my life, anything other than that is great! That whole Courtney and Cho thing kinda got me crazy but not literally. I'm not bouncing of the walls or nothing, yelling obscene language or talking troll. How do you talk troll anyway??  
  
Camera guy- ::shakes head:: I dunno  
  
Harry- Oh, well anyway that's pretty much it, Peace out all!! (gives peace sign and walks out of the closet thingy)  
  
Me- Next!! My favorite guy!  
  
Ron- ::blushes:: I really like it here, all the food is free, always a plus! Those girls (looks at me and Tina through the little window) really like me, it's kinda creepy, their like stalkers, lets hope they are the only ones (all 5 million obsessed Ron Weasley fans grab their pictures of him and kiss them) (camera man mumbles something) what? No I do not have a crush on any of the girls, that host girl would kill me if I did. (Looks over at me and Tina again who wave at him) Even though they creep me out, lets all pray that I don't go insane, I am in it to win it!! ::gives a charming smile and walks out of the closet thingy::  
  
Me- I hope that was fun Ron, I love you!! Next!!  
  
Snape- This place sux, the show sux, I hope the ratings for this show plummet to the ground.  
  
Me- Shoot! You sound just like Simon from American Idol!  
  
Snape-Shut up mortal!!!  
  
Me- Hey I am a mortal thank you very much!! She's not mortal (points at Tina) She's 100% Pokemon!! Tinachu!!! ::giggles madly as Tina shoots a glare::  
  
Snape- Yes as I was saying, the only thing good about this is that Draco is here with me. I do wish that those two big goofs Crabbe and Goyle would leave him alone. Everyone needs time alone!!! I have nothing left to say, bad day to you all watching (tries to get out of the closet thing but can't) HEY LET ME OUT!!!!  
  
Sirius (runs off laughing hysterically at what he did)- NO!!!  
  
Snape- Damn you to hell Black!!!  
  
Me- ::sighs::  
  
Sirius- Oh what now??  
  
Me- Well, the contestants are supposed to go insane themselves, they really don't need any help, and besides, only me and the co host can torture the contestants!  
  
Sirius- You hate me don't you!! ( pretends to start crying) No one loves me anymore!!!  
  
Me- Don't say that!! You know what, grudge is over, you're my friend again!!  
  
Sirius- Ok, you know I was just faking crying right??  
  
Me- Yes  
  
Sirius- Ok just making sure  
  
Tina- ::sniffs:: I love happy endings!! Next!!  
  
Parvati- Hi everybody! This house is still gorgeous, almost as nice as the one that they had in Joe Millioniare, now that was a nice house!! I'm getting kinda suspicious about the way Lavender is acting, she's not acting like my best friend anymore. It's kinda weird, hopefully she'll start acting normal again, but if she does go insane, at least I'll have been the one who called it, I am sure that the staff is betting on it. That'll wrap this up, Love ya all, see ya!!! (blows a kiss and walks out of the closet thing)  
  
Me- LOL, tell it like it is girl! (gives high five to Parvati) Next!!  
  
Lavender- I don't have like to much to like say, so I'll just like say it like now! Like um.. Like ummm.  
  
Camera man- God dammit just say it already! And stop saying like!  
  
Lavender- Like Whatever!! Like don't have a like cow! But like anyway, I heard that Parvati was like in here like trash talking me, and I am soo not like cool with like that. My bunnies would like never say anything like that about me!!! SO LIKE THERE!!!!  
  
All- *_*  
  
Me- ERRRRR next?  
  
Prof M- Hiya!! You haven't really heard to much from me today! I was watching the Real World, Road Rules, battle of the sexes. I absolutely love Puck!! He is the coolest, oh geez I haveta watch that new cribs about him, but anyway back on topic! The house is great the people are great, I have no complaints to speak of, except being partnered with Snape, ladies and gentlemen that was a mistake. He is a no good ::beep:: ::beep:: ::beep:: ::beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep:: Ok?? Thanks bye!! (walks out of the closet thing)  
  
Me- Language M, Language!!  
  
Prof. M- Sorry!!!  
  
Tina- Ahhhh my ears have been soiled!!! Next!!  
  
Dumbledore- Yes Yes hello everyone! Would anyone care for a lemon drop?? No ? Well ok then. Working with that Lavender girl was quite a horror. Those words she was using! She should really not watch that much TV because I know for a fact the word barnacle is mostly used on Spongebob Squarepants! She is defiantly my bet for who goes insane first! This place is magnificent, the food is very good, and they even gave me my own big jar filled with lemon drops!!! (smiles in a goofy short of way) That is all, Good day to you! (walks out of the closet thing)  
  
Me- Good for you Bumbledore!! Praise Spongebob!!! ::laughes:: Next!!  
  
Goyle- Ugh, this is like boring. They make me run to much. There's not enough food fro Crabbe and me. Um that's it. (tries to get out of the closet thing but does know whether to push or pull the door open)  
  
Me and Tina- ::dying laughing on floor because of Goyle's stupidity:: Ok. ::laughes:: Last one next! ::laughes some more::  
  
Crabbe- This isn't too fun, I got paired up with Granger. Ewwwwww Granger germs!!! She was saying that I was dumb and.  
  
Hermione- You are dumb you big moron!!!  
  
Crabbe- Oh, well anyway that's it bye (gets up and actually opens the door but trips over the step on his way)  
  
Me- ::laughes:: That was funny!! And yes praise the Lord the closet confessional things are over!!!  
  
All- YAY!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ok, so the confessional closet things are done with, (**yes they did let Snape out and Goyle eventually got out**) It was time for the elimination and everyone was gathered into the living room.  
  
Me- Ok you know what is going to happen now right? It's the. AHEM, cue the dramatic music. that's better! As I was saying, It's the elimination!!  
  
All- ::silent::  
  
Me- Oh great now you're all silent, but when I want you all to talk you say nothing! You should be ashamed!!  
  
All- ::drop heads in shame::  
  
Me- But anyway, here's how it works, we have checked over the past tapes and days very carefully and have now decided who is the most mentally unstable, or who has at least become the most mentally unstable. Tina, the results!  
  
Tina- Yes, yes! And now we simply wait for the producers to make their decision. ( a gorilla hand with an envelope hands it through the door) Ah ha here it is, thanks King Kong!!! And the one that is going home is. LAVENDER!!  
  
All- WE KNEW IT!!!!!!  
  
Tina- She is now catergorized as crazy becuase of her extremely weird attraction towards bunnies!!! Mostly along the line of always talking about them!!! No more powerpuff girls for you!! Get a new hobby or go be a bunny farmer far far away!  
  
Lavender- I wish I had my bunny!  
  
Me- You will! Ur going home cuz your crazy!  
  
Cho bursts through the door  
  
Cho- Wait, take me with you!! I don't want to be beat up or thrown out anymore windows by that girl or her loser friend, or that other loser girl who never talks  
  
Me and Tina- WHHHHHHHAAAAAATTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ron- Everyone run!! Cho has offended them!  
  
Everyone runs while Cho stands there, apparently not caring that she is about to get her ass kicked.  
  
Cho- You guys can't do anything!  
  
Me- Tina, if you will  
  
Tina once again turns into a scary monster that scares Cho, and picks up Cho and holds her by the feet.  
  
Me- ::grabs a bat:: PINATA!!!!  
  
Everyone comes running out with bats and starts wacking Cho with them  
  
Draco- Where's the candy???  
  
Harry- This piñata's a dud throw it away!!  
Tina tosses Cho out the window and into a trash can which is then picked up by a garbage truck. Cho is thrown into the truck, and Lavender comes out and jumps into the truck too.  
  
Lavender- Do you think there will be bunnies there????  
  
Cho- I hope so!!! Maybe the bogger man lives there!! I need a new boyfriend!!  
  
Lavender- Maybe gravy!!! (the truck drives away, but then is heard hitting a tree)  
  
Me- And that is the last you all will be hearing from those two!!  
  
All- Thank God!!!  
  
Me- What should we do now?? (It was about 6 in the morning)  
  
All- GO TO SLEEP!!!  
  
Tina- How did it get so late??  
  
Me- I dunno, the author's mind works in weird ways.  
  
Author- YES :: in a very superior voice:: VERY WEIRD INDEED!!!!  
  
Me- Ok that was weird but I kinda don't want to sleep. HMMMMMM how about we.  
  
All- DANCE!!!  
  
Me and Tina- ^_^ Lets dance!!!! (everyone dances, and they both turn to the camera)  
  
Tina- Well we hope you had fun today.  
  
Me- Cuz we sure did!! Make sure to check us out next time on everyone favorite show.  
  
All- (turn towards camera) THE MANSION!!! (all start dancing again)  
  
***There you have it!! Lavender and Cho are gone! I bet you didn't see that coming!! Did you?? I thought so! HAHA!! I need votes for the next person, so please take some time and spare some pity on lil old me and review my story!! PLEASE!!! I hope it was funny enough (tries to bit nails but there's nothing left) Dammit! Be kind, please Review!! ^_^*** 


	8. Rice Krispes!

*** Sugar rush!!!!!!!! It's like 11:00at night and I am hyper!!! Very, very, very, very hyper! I decided to write a new chapter for every story I have, just to keep all my fans happy!! I KNOW YOU ARE ALL OUT THERE!!! LOL, so anyway I own nothing, and I probably never will, how sad is that??? Well enough about my sad forsaken life, on with the story!!!!***  
  
Chapter Eight!! ::dramatic music:: (*** Note.Just a normal day, well not normal, but a usual day in the house of nut cases!!***)  
  
Me- Tina!! Tina!! Tina, Tina, Tina, Tina!! Idol!! American!! MUST WATCH IT!!! (Runs down steps but falls)  
  
All- ::laugh::  
  
Me- Don't laugh at me!!! ::fake sobs:: WHY MUST YOU LAUGH AT MY MISTAKES!!!  
  
Snape- You always laugh at us, so we should have the right to laugh at you as well!  
  
Me- ::fake sobs stop:: You see that's the thing, I am the host, I am your master!! Except for the author, I am the one that can make you go insane, or not! But mostly likely I will!  
  
Harry- Seems logical  
  
Me- Yes, boy-who-is-still-living-after-all-this-time!!  
  
Harry- ::glares::  
  
Me- What?? It was a compliment!! Hey wait movie line!! New quick quiz! What movie did that quote come from!!  
  
Tina- Me!!! I know!! I do!! I know I know!!! Pick me!!  
  
Ron and Seamus point at each other, Dean whistles and looks up at the ceiling, Hermione hides behind the book she is reading, and everyone else just pretends not to be listening, but Crabbe and Goyle weren't listening to begin with.  
  
Me- Oh Come on!! ::sighs:: Fine, Tina what is the answer?  
  
Tina- The movie line is form Shrek!!  
  
Me- Right on Tinachu!!  
  
Tina- ::glares::  
  
Me- Geez if looks could kill I'd be dead on the floor in 5 seconds.  
  
All- ::hide with fear from the last encounter with Tina, and lets not forget the whole Cho as the piñata thing::  
  
Sirius- I love that!!  
  
Me- Me too! When people are fearful of us it is the coolest!! So got anything planned for today???  
  
Sirius- Nah can't think of anything at the moment. HMMMMMMM, let me think ::paces, paces some more:: I got it!!!!! We can just explore the house, I'm sure there are some rooms we haven't seen yet!  
  
All- COOL UNCHARTED TERRITORY!!  
  
::Me and Tina look at each other::- RIIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHHHTTTTTTTT  
  
Sirius- Yes what the director says goes and as you can see (points to name tag on his shirt that says "HELLO MY NAME IS SIRIUS AND I AM THE DIRECTOR!") what I say goes!  
  
Me- Ok, no need to go all crazy about it, let's go!!!  
  
Everyone gets up, and before they go up the million flights of stairs  
  
Me- The elevator!!! Let's take the elevator!!  
  
All- Yay elevator!!  
  
So the all take the elevator at once, (yes it was a very big one) and go to the highest floor in the mansion (well at least besides the roof) and they all kinda run in different directions.  
  
Hermione (in a room filled with gorgeous old clothes and shoes) - It's heaven!!  
  
Parvati- All it needs is Brad Pitt!!  
  
Prof. M- and a TV with every single show on MTV possible!  
  
Hermione- Ummmmm, yea that too!  
  
In the room next to them, Harry, Ron, Dean, Seamus, and Prof. Dumbledore  
  
Prof. Dumbledore- Wow  
  
Ron- Wow is an understatement  
  
The have stumbled into a Quidditch infested room. Everything from a million different broomsticks, to old trophies, to pictures, everything else that has ever been associated with Quidditch was in that room.  
  
Harry- Look at these brooms, their ancient  
  
Prof. Dumbledore- A mop broomstick? They stopped making these in the 1860s!!  
  
Boyz- It's heaven on earth!!  
  
Dean- All it needs is Carmen Electra!  
  
Other boyz- Yea, (look at each other in confusion) right  
  
In another room all the way at the end of the hall, Draco, Snape, Crabbe, and Goyle are looking through old boxes of books. Their apparently trying to find curses that would make them automatically win.  
  
Draco- We have the worst luck in the world!  
  
Crabbe- Not true  
  
A piece of plaster falls of the ceiling and hits Snape in the head  
  
Snape- Oh yea it's true. We need to cheat!!  
  
Author- CHEATING IS BAD!! YOU MUSTN'T CHEAT!!  
  
Snape- Yes we will!! Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah!! (Draco sticks his tongue out at the ceiling thinking that's were the voice is coming from)  
  
Author- OH YEA!!  
  
Author makes a piece of plaster fall on Draco's tongue.  
  
Draco- Ewww gross!! Your looks suck!!  
  
Author- WELL YOU KNOW SOMETHING, YOU SUCK!!  
  
Back in the living room at the top floor  
  
Me- They all run kinda fast when they want something, notice that?  
  
Tina- Yea, but actually a lot of people are like that  
  
Me- Ok Miss Encyclopedia/dictionary/atlas/history book/every reference book known to man!  
  
Tina- ::sighs:: seriously it's true; I bet you're like it to!  
  
Me- No way!!  
  
Tina- Ok, we'll see. What if I told you that Clay was in the next room, getting ready to sing to you and confess his love for you?  
  
Me- Wait but isn't Clay gay?  
  
Tina- Pretend he's not!  
  
Me- ::runs really, really fast:: CLAY!! I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!!  
  
Draco (from room down the hall) - What's all the yelling about???  
  
Me- (knocks Draco on the floor) CLAY, in next room, must go!!!!  
  
All people come into the hall to see what all the yelling is about  
  
Dean (turns to Tina) - have you been lying to her again to test your theory?  
  
Tina- No!! (Looks at Dean) ok yes  
  
Sirius- Dammit Tina!! You know what will happen now!! She's gunna go into one of those crying fits she has!  
  
All- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! (Cover their ears)  
  
Sirius- We gotta stop her before. (Gets cut off)  
  
Me- CLAY WHERE ARE YOU!!!! ::sobs:: HE DOESN'T LOVE ME!!!!!  
  
Tina- O_O  
  
Sirius- No, no, he just hadta leave! You know being an American Idol and all! (Nudges Ron to say something)  
  
Ron- Yea, he said that he felt really bad about leaving!  
  
Me- ::sniffs:: Ok if Ron said so. I wanna go cook something! Let's go!!  
  
They all take the elevator  
  
All- Still yay elevator!!  
  
In the kitchen  
  
Harry- so what do ya wanna make??  
  
Seamus- Steak??  
  
Me- (shakes head)  
  
Hermione- Sandwiches?  
  
Me- (thinks) Later, not now!  
  
Ron- Chocolate frogs?  
  
Me- (shakes head)  
  
Snape- Then what dammit?  
  
Me- I wanna make rice krispes!!  
  
All Hogwarts people- Rice whats??  
  
Tina- Rice Krispes is a simple concoction of the cereal Rice Krispes, marshmallows, and a small amount of butter.  
  
All Hogwarts people- Ohhhhhhhhhh  
  
Me- Ya! (Seeming in a happier mode) No need for baking, all ya need is a microwave, and their low in fat!!!  
  
Girls- Yay for low in fat!!!!  
  
Me- Ya and the guys can decorate theirs with chocolate and stuff to make them more junk food like.  
  
Boyz- Yay chocolate and stuff!!!  
  
Sirius- Well don't just stand there lets start our group activity!!  
  
All- YAY!!  
  
So everyone starts, since there is a limited amount of stuff, but they don't make too much. Only about one shape per person.  
  
Me- This TV station is so cheap, we can't even get enough supplies for the contestants!!  
  
Sirius- Don't dis the station girlfriend!!  
  
Me- I don't care! Can we eat them now?!?!?!?!?!?  
  
All- No!!!  
  
Me- BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
  
After the Rice Krispes are made, everyone starts cutting them in out in their own designs and starts decorating them. When they are finished, everyone lays them out on a tray for everyone else to admire. There's a heart, a book, a big R, a snake, another snake, and another snake, and another snake, a lighting bolt, a dog thing, a somewhat cartoon character, a shamrock, and a soccer ball.  
  
Seamus- Wow these came out good!  
  
Me- Can we eat them now????  
  
All- Yes!!  
  
Everyone takes the one they made and starts eating them.  
  
Snape- (starts running around the house) ARGH MY TONGUE!! IT BURNS!!!!!! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU PUT IN IT????  
  
Sirius- ::giggles menacingly::  
  
Prof. M- What did you do now Black?  
  
Sirius- Nothing!! ::laughs some more::  
  
Me- Ohhhhhhh I KNOW I KNOW!!! He.  
  
Sirius- No!!! Don't be a tattletale!!  
  
Me- ::sticks tongue out:: I don't care I'll tell anyway!!! He put jalapeño peppers in Snape's marshmallows!! Snape apparently didn't care that the marshmallows had a reddish tint to them. He said he though they were pretty. What a loser!  
  
Snape runs back into the kitchen, practically on the floor out of breath.  
  
Tina- (gives one of those looks that tells you that you should feel bad and do the right thing)  
  
Me- Oh fine!!!! ::grabs class and pours a lot of milk in it:: Here drink this!!  
  
Snape- (while still on the floor, inhales the entire glass in one breath)  
  
Sirius- Why are you being nice to him??  
  
Tina- Guilty conscience will always get you!  
  
Me- (mumbles ::damn conscience, ruins everything:: )  
  
All- (looks at her)  
  
Me- (smiles contently) just kidding!! OMG, I loved those infomercials they were the funniest, but I never liked Candid Camera, isn't that weird!!  
  
Tina- I like Candid Camera!! It's funny how people get tricked!  
  
Me- It won't be so funny when they trick you!!  
  
Tina- ::shudders at then thought of the embarrassment::  
  
Me- Hey!!! (Looks around) Where did everyone go?  
  
Tina- (looks around also) they abandoned us!!  
  
Both- ::start fake crying, but then stop::  
  
Tina- This is dumb, they couldn't have gone far! Maybe they went to the library?  
  
Me- Tina think about it, me and you are the only ones we know who go to the library!! Sirius has never even stepped foot in one!! Even when he was in Hogwarts he rarely went in!!!!  
  
Tina- Yea your right! So you wanna go find em?  
  
Me- Yea might as well!  
  
Both leave the room and start to look. Meanwhile all the contestants (and Sirius) are in the room with all the cameras that lets you see everything in every room.  
  
Harry- Place your bets!! How long will it take them to find us??  
  
Ron- 2 hours!  
  
Parvati- 15 minutes!  
  
Hermione- I think they're smart enough, I agree with Parvati 15 minutes!!  
  
Seamus- Nah they don't seem like the smart type, an hour at least.  
  
Harry- I think that Tina will lose Keri and find her way back in about 15 minutes but Keri will take at least and hour.  
  
Dean- (thinks) Yea I agree with Harry on this one. What do ya think grand ole master Sirius?  
  
Sirius- Haha, but I'm not betting on their arrival. All I care about is that they actually make it here.  
  
Harry- You think Tina will get here first.  
  
Sirius- Yea that's about right, hey look, there they are! They're still looking around for they rest of the peoples. Both seem to be getting kind of aggravated.  
  
Downstairs  
  
Me- AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!! (Throws shoe at the wall) I can't believe these contestants!!  
  
Tina- It's probably just a harmless prank.  
  
Me- (hold other shoe at Tina menacingly) Hey don't side with them on this!  
  
Tina- Your still mad about the whole Clay thing aren't you?  
  
Me- (looks at floor sadly) yea, can I throw the shoe now?  
  
Tina- Go ahead just not at me.  
  
Me- OK, but you know I should throw the shoe at you considering that was your fault!!! (Throws shoe at wall and leaves a hole) Ummmmmmmm, do you think that will come out of my paycheck??  
  
Tina- Let's hope not, you paycheck's not that big anyway.  
  
Dave (who's sitting on a couch refusing to go back to work until he feels better) Hey we are not that cheap here!!  
  
Me- You couldn't even provide enough stuff for the contestants!!  
  
Dave- Well.err...um. No Comment!!!!  
  
Me- Likely excuse!!!!  
  
Tina- Keri this is no time to argue with the producer!! We have to find the contestants or we won't get enough viewers watching the show and we will have to go off the air!  
  
Me- HaHa!! Dave will be unemployed!!!!  
  
Dave- You will too!!  
  
Me- Ah, that's where your wrong. I could easily be a model!!  
  
Tina- No you couldn't  
  
Me- Yea you're right (looks at floor) so let's go find the contestants and Siriu. (Goes blank)  
  
Tina- What??  
  
Me- I know this was all Sirius's idea!!! I'm gunna get him for this!!! Let's go find them!!  
  
The two run up the stairs, and speaking of upstairs.  
  
Sirius- Dammit! I knew she would know it was me!  
  
Draco- She knows you oh too well.  
  
Hermione- She's gunna beat you up!  
  
Harry- She's gunna sick Tina on you!  
  
Sirius- ::whimpers::  
  
All- ::laughs hysterically::  
  
Ron- I really don't think she'll beat you up.  
  
Sirius- Thank you Ron!  
  
Ron- I just think that she'll never talk to you again!  
  
Sirius- ARGH!!!! Wait did you hear that?  
  
All- ::listens closely::  
  
Sirius- ::gasps::  
  
Hermione- Guess who's here!!  
  
The door bursts open and..  
  
***AHAHAHAHAHA!! I absolutely love cliffhangers!! Just vote and I will write the next chapter!! Damn I should get started on "A Muggle Sleepover?"!!!! The next chapter awaits your votes to help complete it!!!!!!!*** 


	9. You're married?

****Chapter 9!! YAY!!! I'm almost up to ten, only 2 more chapters! Yum, I've been eating Baby Bottle pops all day and I am all hyper and stuff again, its fun! Watermelon now, I eat all the sugar first then I just eat the other part, its good! Well maybe I should just write the story rather than talking about candy, what do ya think Harry?  
  
Harry- That might be nice, I don't think anyone really cares about the way you eat candy.  
  
Ok, Ok, no need to get mean about Mr. Potter!  
  
Harry- ::glares::  
  
"The cliffhanger is no more!"  
  
Author- FROM THE LAST SHOW.  
  
Hermione- Guess who's here!!  
  
The door bursts open and..  
  
Sirius runs and hides behind the desk chair, it would be a good hiding place except that the chair has a big hole in the back of it.  
  
Me- Sirius.  
  
Tina- Keri, remember your blood pressure.  
  
Me- My foot is gunna be so far up his ass that it's gunna pop his brain out!  
  
Sirius- ::whimpers from behind the chair:: Please don't, I like my brain where it is!!  
  
Me- There you are!!  
  
Draco- Is violence really the answer here??  
  
Me- Yes  
  
Draco- Oh, um carry on then  
  
Tina- He didn't even need to say that twice because Keri is off and furious  
  
Ron- That's correct Tina, and she indeed looks mad, it must be a girl thing.  
  
Me- Say that again Weasley and I'll go after you instead  
  
Ron- (looks around nervously) Ok, um, sorry about that  
  
Tina and Ron are sitting at a desk with microphones on it while the rest of the cast sits behind them. A ring has appeared from the bottom of the floor.  
  
Me- Hey Tina it's like we're on Celebrity Deathmatch!  
  
Tina- What show is that?  
  
Me- It's funny, it's like clay celebrity things that kill each other.  
  
Sirius- Would you shut up about that Clay!  
  
Ron- Sirius?  
  
Sirius- What??  
  
Ron- I suggest you run and you run fast. Turn around and you'll see why  
  
Sirius- Why should. (Turns around and is cut off by shock)  
  
Me- (grabs a fish off the wall labeled "WEAPONS" which was accompanied by an egg beater and several other useless items) you know you should really listen when people talk  
  
Sirius- (looks at Tina)  
  
Tina- Don't look at me she decorated!  
  
Me- Chose a weapon from, um, the wall of weapons  
  
Sirius- OOOKKKK (goes over and a picks up another fish) Look I'm sorry about the whole prank thing, and that I made fun of Clay  
  
Me- If that is so have you brought the cupcakes of forgiveness??  
  
Sirius- Um. no  
  
Me- (Whacks Sirius over the head with the fish)  
  
Prof. M- Wait I've heard that before!!  
  
Me- (stops hitting Sirius with the fish) Extra points if you tell me where!  
  
Prof. M- It's from some dumb cartoon Ed, Edd, n' Eddy  
  
Me- *_* (throws fish at Prof. M) you were right but you insulted one of my favorite shows! A fish face you are!! (Laughs)  
  
Prof. M- (Unconscious from flying fish)  
  
Me- I though so! You know what I don't really feel like fighting anymore, it gets boring after a while. Ok lets settle our fight now, you apologized I forgive you, and now we hug!  
  
Sirius- Ummmm (runs)  
  
Me- Wait no!! I want a hug!  
  
Sirius- Not again! (Runs faster)  
  
Me- (pretends to chase Sirius but stops) Eh forget it  
  
Harry- You just gunna let him run??  
  
Me- Yea he needs a taste of his own medicine!! (Laughs menacingly)  
  
All- @_@  
  
Me- Ok let's go downstairs, I'm bored as a board!  
  
Dumbledore- You make really dumb jokes  
  
Me- You're right my jokes aren't funny, but you know what is, a horse dancing in a tutu! I saw it on this show the other day. It danced like this! (Starts to dance all crazy)  
  
All- AHHHH!! (All run)  
  
Me- Wait I'm not done yet!!!! (Runs but trips and falls) I've fallen, Medic, Medic!!  
  
Everyone turns around and goes back  
  
Snape- Why do you always fall??  
  
Me- Why do you always yell at me when I do?? I really am hurt!  
  
Draco- Don't yell at Snape!!  
  
Snape- Why thank you Draco!  
  
Me- GRRRRRR I hate alliances  
  
Tina- Anyway about your leg (pokes it)  
  
Me- OWWWWWWWWW, don't poke at it, it's not a bug!!!!  
  
Parvati- Do you think she broke it?  
  
Tina- I don't really know (pokes it again)  
  
Me- OWWWW, stop poking it!! Use magic, do something, just fix it!!!  
  
Snape- (suddenly smirks) I'll do it!  
  
Me- NOOOOO, if he does it I won't even have a leg anymore!  
  
Snape- Hey how'd you know I would do that?  
  
Me- AHHHH, fix it now!!!!  
  
Tina- This is ridiculous, Harry give me your wand  
  
Harry- Just don't break it (gives it to Tina)  
  
Tina- (points it at the leg)  
  
Me- (covers eyes)  
  
Tina- Repairiouso!!  
  
Me- (uncovers eyes) Hey you fixed it!! (Gets up and runs around in circles)  
  
Hermione- Wait you're not a witch!  
  
Tina- Oh but I am! My mom's, cousin's, brother is ¼ Wizard!  
  
Me- But aren't you 100% Pokemon?  
  
Tina- No I'm only 99% Pokemon, wait, I'M NOT POKEMON!  
  
Me- Yesh you are Tinachu!  
  
Snape- Would you two please stop bickering! Your both worse than my mother- in-law!  
  
Me and Tina- ::gasps::  
  
Snape- ::covers mouth in horror::  
  
Draco- What are you gasping about?  
  
Me and Tina- ::gasp again::  
  
Parvati- What?  
  
Tina- You're married??  
  
Me- And you didn't tell us?  
  
Snape- Oh bloody hell!  
  
Me- AWWWWWW, there's a Mrs. Severus Snape running around out there somewhere!!  
  
Tina- We weren't invited to the wedding?  
  
Me- That's a bit of an insult, but then again we didn't even know him  
  
Tina- That's true  
  
Ron- Wait if Snape is married, who is his wife??  
  
Everyone looks at Snape,  
  
Hermione- Who is it? Tell us!  
  
All- TELL US!!  
  
Snape- Never!!!  
  
Me- I will hug you!!!!  
  
Snape- NO, anything but that!! Ok, Ok, I am married to.  
  
***Bum Bum Bum!!! This is where I need your help! Even though my other story just went down the toilet, this one will still be my pride and joy! So review with your pick for Snape's wife!! 


	10. Anniversary Chapter Thingy!

***CHAPTER TEN!!! YAY!!! I finally made it! Ten chapters! WOOHOO!!! Ok so even though only a small amount of people have red my story, I am very happy about this. Ok so I only got two votes for Snape's wife, that's ok I'll improvise! This will be the best chapter yet!!! All the people that have reviewed my story will be mentioned in this chapter because I love you all!!!! Enjoy the 10th chapter!  
  
NUMBER 10!  
  
Jack the cameraman- Ok, the review chapter thingy, going on in 5.4.3.2.1!!!!!  
  
Me- Hello and welcome to the review chapter thingy!! We are here to take a nice look back on the amazing 9 chapters that have already taken place! Isn't that right Tina?? Tina?? Oh wait she's not coming on until the review of the second chapter. This will be the longest chapter yet!! YAY!!! But we do have someone special that has decided to come to the show since he is apparently not yet recovered from his hangover, Dave the Producer!!  
  
Sirius (yelling from the dressing room) - OLD PRODUCER!!  
  
Me- Right Sirius, but anyway come on down Dave!!  
  
Dave walks in dressed as a hooker, with a short skirt, high heels, makeup, everything.  
  
Dave- Hey sweet thang!!!! How's my fav host girl been??  
  
Me- Are you drunk again??  
  
Dave- Actually I have decided to become a drag queen which is my true calling!! I looked more fabulous now than I have ever looked as that Dave character. He is soooo last year!  
  
Me- OOOOOOOOOO, wait your name isn't Dave anymore??  
  
Dave- Nope, now my name is Elizabeth Garden. (Looks at Jack) HEY, CHANGE MY QUE CARD!!  
  
Jack (trying not to laugh) -Yes Madam!!!!  
  
Me- Alright ummm, Lizzy. Can I call you Lizzy?  
  
Dave (now known as Lizzy) - Of course!!  
  
Me- Right um uh Lizzy, so how was your experience on THE MANSION???  
  
Lizzy- It was fabulous! I loved being with so many different types of people! Especially that Sirius Black, he's a hunk!  
  
Me- Ummm Ew  
  
Lizzy- Why are you ewwwing? Sirius is a sexy beast!!  
  
Me- Movie line taker! (Both laugh)  
  
Sirius runs onto the set  
  
Sirius- I heard my name!! Who said it.? (Spots Lizzy sitting on the couch) Hey what's cookin good lookin??  
  
Lizzy- ::blushes and giggles:: Hi Sirius  
  
Sirius- (looks around) uh who are you by the way?  
  
Lizzy- I'm Lizzy and your hot!!  
  
Sirius-Thanks I know I am and you are too!  
  
Me- OMG!!!  
  
Sirius- OH NO what did I say?? Who is that? Is that Dave's wife?? Am I going to get fired??  
  
Me- Funny you should mention Dave.  
  
Sirius- Why..  
  
Me- Because this is Dave (points at Lizzy) Well actually she prefers to go by the name Elizabeth Garden, cute name huh?  
  
Sirius- ::awe stricken::  
  
Me- YEA!! I know!! You said that the old director is hot!!!!! You said an ex-guy is hot!! (Turns to Lizzy) No offense  
  
Lizzy- None taken!  
  
Sirius- UMMMMMMMMM  
  
Lizzy- He's so cute when he's confused!!  
  
Me- Ok that I will admit! But anyway let's get back to the anniversary show!!! Cameras are on right?? (Jack nods) Great!! So onto the first chapter! That's when we first got a glance at the contestants and me of course!! NAH Tina wasn't in that chapter!! LOL J/K Tina! But really your weren't. Ok so onto some mishaps and outtakes! So this first outtake is when the contestants had first gotten onto their plan. They had their own jet and everything!! But Draco is still not pleased with the service; he demands better, and he states his need in a quite, err, inappropriate way. Roll it Jack!!  
  
Tape shows Draco sitting in between Crabbe and Goyle on a plane. He looks mad and is staring upward.  
  
Draco- This is such a lousy plane. I deserve much better than this. Oh Stewardess!!!  
  
Stewardess- Yes Mr. Malfoy, is everything alright?  
  
Draco- My nuts!!  
  
Stewardess- Excuse me?  
  
Draco- No you F!@#$%^ pervert!! The little bag of nuts!! They are too F%^@^&# small you M$@%@$ F!#$&@ D#$%H%#@!!!! I need a bigger F#$%^& bag!! NOW!!!!  
  
Stewardess- O_O  
  
Draco- Thank you! *smiles and suddenly falls asleep*  
  
End of outtake  
  
Me- I did not know that happened!!! Draco is worse than Ozzy!! He curses!! Draco, you are a cool Mofo!! See I don't curse though, I am a good girl!!  
  
Lizzy- Of course you are! That stewardess was absolutely fabulous, how did she get her legs to be so thin? OMG I just have to find her and ask!  
  
Me- Umm right Lizzy, maybe later, anyway next outtake, this one involves me, unfortunately. It was a bit of an accident when I was standing on the roof (looks down)  
  
Lizzy- This is a good one, and so funny!! Roll it Jack!!  
  
I am standing on the roof with my hands on my hips.  
  
Dave- You ready Keri??  
  
Me- Geez can we do this already?? I want to go to the house and claim my area!!  
  
Dave- You're just going to do the opening scene, make sure to look as gorgeous as possible, we need all the male viewers we can get!  
  
Me *flips hair*-No problem!  
  
Dave- Ok lights? Camera? Action!  
  
Me *begins walking forward*- Welcome to THE MANSION! I am your host Keri and I. *falls of roof*  
  
Me- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! *SPLAT* Owwwwwww!!!  
  
Dave- Ohhhh God this can't be happening!! *looks up* Why are you doing this to me great God of the television reality shows?? Keri?? KERI, did you break anything??  
  
Me- I think I broke a nail!!! *sobs* I did!! Look at the damage!! I'm going to need a manicure A.S.A.P!!!  
  
Dave- O_O Did you break any bones woman?  
  
Me- Nah, luckily I landed on something soft. *looks down* or should I say someone!!  
  
Sirius (being crushed beneath my weight) - That's what I'm here for  
  
Me- Well thank you very much for saving me!  
  
Sirius- No problem  
  
Me- ^_^ *looks up* OK Dave can we do that again??  
  
Dave- You don't have a choice!  
  
Sirius (still beneath me) - Ummm hey you're pretty and everything but could you please get off me??  
  
Me- Oh I am soooo sorry!! I've been sitting on you the whole time!! *gets up* I'm Keri the host!  
  
Sirius- *gets up* I'm Sirius; you're the host of what?? What's with all these cameras?  
  
Me- Duh isn't it obvious?? I am the host of the new reality TV show, THE MANSION!! It's when we take characters from Hogwarts and we put them in a mansion to live there for 3 months to see who goes insane! It will be fun!!  
  
Sirius- Can I see the house?  
  
Me- Sure, let's go!!  
  
Dave- What about the opening shot?  
  
Me- LATER!!!  
  
**End of tape**  
  
Lizzy (laughing) - I can't believe you fell of the roof!!!  
  
Me- *embarrassed* I didn't mean to fall of the roof; I wasn't looking at where I was going! And anyway if I hadn't fallen off, I wouldn't have met Sirius!!  
  
Lizzy- *suddenly serious* that is soooo another thing, he called you pretty! I thought I was the only one he thought was pretty.  
  
Sirius- *not confused anymore* I never said that!  
  
Me- You never said what? You never thought I was pretty??? *gets teary eyed* you think I'm ugly!!! *starts to cry*  
  
Lizzy- Oh sweetie, don't cry!! *gives hug* I think your fabulous! Sirius is a guy he doesn't know what he thinks!  
  
Sirius- *confused again* I never said she was ugly! I also never said that you were the only one I thought was pretty Lizzy!  
  
Lizzy- *gets teary eyed too* you don't think I'm pretty either??? *also starts to cry* you think I'm ugly too!!  
  
Me- *hugs Lizzy* its ok I think you are very pretty, you make Jennifer Lopez look like a chipmunk!!!  
  
Lizzy- Better than J.Lo??  
  
Me- Yes, you are so much prettier than J.Lo  
  
Sirius- No she's not!  
  
Me- *punches Sirius out* Yes she is, and you can't have her!! She deserves much better than you!  
  
Sirius- *dazed* of course she is, now let's all sing a song! *falls to the floor unconscious*  
  
Lizzy- Thanks for that!  
  
Me- No prob girlfriend!! Now onto our next clip, this is a prank that was played on Harry while they were in the plane, it's cute, just watch!  
  
*Everyone is sitting in the plane doing their own thing. The camera zooms in on Ron who was looking at a magazine "Quidditch weekly"*  
  
Voice- Hey Ron!  
  
Ron- Huh?? *looks up*  
  
Voice- It's me!!  
  
Ron- *looks everywhere* who are you?? Are you here to haunt me??? I didn't mean to eat Fred's chocolate frogs!!  
  
Voice- ^_^ Good blackmail, but no that is not why I am talking to you! I want you to play a prank on Harry!  
  
Ron- *looks around nervously* but he's my best friend! I would never do that!  
  
Voice- Then I will tell you mum something bad about you! *pulls out tape recorder* Listen!!  
  
Tape Recorder (in Ron's voice) - Hi I'm Ron Weasley and I (in deep voice) stole from my mum's purse  
  
Ron- I never stole from my mum's purse! No one will believe you!  
  
Voice- Oh yeah? *plays tape recorder*  
  
Tape recorder (still sounding like Ron)-Hi I'm Ron Weasley and I. (Now Ron's voice) stole from my mum's purse  
  
Ron- *gasps* you are so evil!  
  
Voice- *sounding joyful* I know aren't I?? So you have to play the prank!  
  
Ron- *looks down in defeat* Ok what do you want me to do?  
  
Voice- Haha I am triumphant!! So here's what I want you to do, I read on this website that if you put strong smelling deodorant under someone's nose when they are sleeping they will tell you anything you want!  
  
Ron- Really???  
  
Voice- Really! Now hop to it Mr. Weasley man!  
  
Ron- Wait I need some strong smelling deodorant!  
  
Voice- Here! *extra strength deodorant appears on Ron's lap* I took it out of Snape's bag!  
  
Ron- But how? Snape still smells really bad!!! (Whole plane laughs)  
  
Snape (so not laughing) - Fifty points from Gryffindor Mr. Weasley, and a paper on something.  
  
Ron- On what?  
  
Snape- I am not telling you, but it better be right or you will fail!  
  
Voice- Hey you A-hole leave Ron alone! You can't punish him now, you are all on vacation!! And anyway I am the only one that can yell at him right now!! WAIT YOUR TURN!!!  
  
Snape- *looks up* UMMMMMMMM  
  
Voice- He's confused! NAH!!! Anyway, Ron go ahead see what happens!  
  
Ron opens the deodorant and puts it under Harry's nose. Voice starts to laugh and Ron asks a simple question  
  
Ron- What is your name?  
  
Harry (groggily) - Harry...James...Potter  
  
Voice- OMG it actually works!! I didn't think it would! I thought that website was a rip off! Ask him something else!  
  
Ron- Ok! So Harry, do you have any embarrassing secrets to tell us?  
  
Harry- Sometimes I pretend I am a fairy  
  
Entire plane- O_O  
  
Voice- *bursts out laughing* FAIRY!  
  
Because of the sudden noise, Harry moves around and Ron runs back to his seat. He throws the deodorant and it hits Snape. He accidentally picks up a Cosmopolitan and hides behind it. Harry finally wakes up  
  
Harry- Hi everybody, are we there yet??  
  
Entire plane- *laughs hysterically*  
  
Harry- Why are you laughing at me???????  
  
*END OF CLIP*  
  
Me- And that's the end of that clip! I didn't know that Harry wishes to be a fairy!! What a beautiful dream!!  
  
Lizzy- Yeah! Pixie's are soooo pretty and they get gorgeous wings!  
  
Me- True!  
  
Awkward silence  
  
Me- Ummmm, what now?  
  
Lizzy- I don't really umm know  
  
Me- Me either, let's bring on some guest and torture them!!  
  
Lizzy- Ok who? How about Justin Timberlake!! He's such a hottie!  
  
Me- Sorry, there is not enough money in the world to get Justin on the show (  
  
All of the sudden Justin runs onto the set  
  
Lizzy- It's Justin!!!  
  
Justin- *laughs hysterically and takes mask off*  
  
Lizzy- *gasps* NOOOOOO  
  
Justin- IT'S ME SNAPE!! I TRICKED YOU!  
  
Me- How could you do that?  
  
Snape- It was simple; I had to get you back for encouraging Mr. Weasley's bad behavior.  
  
Lizzy- So that was your voice!!  
  
Me- Ok ok it was my voice, but it was really funny!! The only other thing that would use that deodorant is.. Nothing!!! But wait, if you were getting me back then why did you do that to Lizzy??  
  
Snape- *smirks* Well. *pulls out Clay voodoo doll* I didn't. yet  
  
Me- OMG!!!! DON'T YOU DARE HURT CLAY!!!  
  
Snape- *starts poking the doll's arms with pins* Heh Heh  
  
Me- I.AM .GOING.TO.KILL.YOU!!! *starts turning red with fury*  
  
Lizzy- Keri, OMG, calm down  
  
Me- *starts running after Snape with very pointy stick*  
  
Snape- OH MERLIN!!!! *runs away clumsily*  
  
Me- COME BACK HERE YOU CLAY HURTER!! COME AND FACE ME LIKE A MAN!!  
  
Snape- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! *runs into green room* HELP ME!!!!  
  
Everyone in green room, which is the entire cast, look at Snape being chased  
  
Sirius- Oy, she is so controversial, Ron, Harry, someone stop her  
  
Harry and Ron- Ok  
  
Start running and catch me and throw me on the floor  
  
Me- Let me go!!! I have to hurt Snape!!!!!!  
  
Hermione- Sweetie you have to calm down, you are all red and it is horrible for your complexion!  
  
Me- But Snape did something bad and I have to make him pay!!  
  
Dean- What could he have possibly done that could have been that bad?  
  
Me- HE HURT CLAY!!!  
  
All- That's it???  
  
The door suddenly opens and in runs Courtney and other cousin Samantha  
  
Courtney and Sam- HE DID WHAT?????????  
  
Me- He made a voodoo doll of Clay and he was poking it with pins!!  
  
Courtney-I'LL KILL HIM!!!! *grabs three pointy sticks*  
  
Sam- HE WILL PAY FOR DISHONORING CLAYMATES! *grabs six pointy sticks*  
  
They run into the other room after Snape and things can be heard like 'HOW DO YOU LIKE BEING POKED WITH A STICK!* and 'NO STOP!!! OWWWWWW!!!!'  
  
All- O_O  
  
Time stops and I get up  
  
Me- *calmly* Will Snape survive being brutally poked? Will Lizzy ever find the man of her dreams? Will I ever get to chapter two?? All this on the next installment of THE MANSION 'CHAPTER REVIEW THINGY!' 


	11. Reality TV rules!

11!!  
  
Me- Welcome back! Now all you will get to see what happens next! *goes back to place on floor*  
  
Time starts again, Tina suddenly walks in  
  
Me- *waves like madman* Hi Tina!  
  
Tina- How long could you leave me out of this story for?  
  
Me- *gets up* Your right, it's not the same without you!  
  
Seamus- Um in case anyone has noticed, those girls are killing Snape with pointy sticks.  
  
Me- So??? *looks in disgust*  
  
Tina- Wait why are they killing Snape, I know there are a lot of reasons but what did he do in particular?  
  
Sirius- Oh you'll get a kick out of this, she's pissed because...  
  
Me- TINA, SNAPE WAS HURTING CLAY!!  
  
Tina- *eyes widen* How??? Did he use one of those scary curses?  
  
Me *talking fast* No he made a voodoo doll that looked just like Clay and he was all Heh Heh now I will get back at you and he started poking the doll's arms with pins and it could really have been hurting Clay because I don't really know what Snape is capable of. So I ran after him with my pointy stick *holds up pointy stick* and I told everyone and then Court and Sam came in and they had nine pointy sticks and they ran after him and now they are poking him to death!!!!! *takes deep breaths*  
  
Ron- Bloody hell you said that fast  
  
Hermione- *looks at watch* 20 seconds to be precise!  
  
Harry- *looks at Hermione* you are to smart for your own good.  
  
Dean- I agree!  
  
Seamus- Me too!  
  
All other guys- Us too!  
  
Me- Oh give me a break Harry!! You know you love Hermione and the fact that she doesn't know just kills you inside, so why don't you confess your love to her so she knows how you feel and you two can be together forever and have little Potter-Granger babies!!!!!!!!  
  
All- O_O  
  
Sirius- You really woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.  
  
Me- *holds pointy stick at Sirius* don't even start Black, or I will be forced to harm and/or kill you, got me?  
  
Sirius- Yea just put the stick down please.*pushes pointy stick to the ground*  
  
Hermione- Sirius that is not how you talk to a girl in this condition!! *pulls out wand and makes a giant Hershey's bar appear* Here Keri!  
  
Me- Thank you Hermione!! *sits on comfy sofa and happily eats the chocolate bar*  
  
Sirius- How did you do that?  
  
Hermione- Men don't understand  
  
Sirius- I probably would!  
  
Ron- Yea I would!!  
  
All Guys- Us too!  
  
Hermione- Ok, ladies would who like to tell Mr. Sirius and the rest of the guys here about the horrors of PMS?  
  
Guys- *covers ears* Lalalalalalalala, we can't hear you!!  
  
All- *laughs*  
  
Tina- Good job Hermione!  
  
Hermione- What can I say? I am brilliant!  
  
Then out of nowhere, Snape crawls out from the other room with pointy sticks still being thrown at him  
  
Snape- Help me...  
  
Me- No!! *throws piece of chocolate at Snape*  
  
Draco- I will help you!! *runs to Snape*  
  
Me- Hey wait, Draco can I ask you a question?  
  
Draco- Errrrrrrrr...  
  
Me- Ok!! Draco Malfoy, are you gay?  
  
Draco- What?  
  
Snape- What?  
  
All- What??  
  
Me- Oh come on!! You can all truthfully say that Draco does not act at all like any of the five guys seen on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy *looks at camera* On Tuesday nights at 10:00 PM!  
  
Dean- Well... *looks at floor*  
  
Ron- Sort of...  
  
Harry- Maybe....  
  
Crabbe and Goyle- Duh?  
  
Tina- Oh heck with it I knew all along! So I really want to know too, are you gay?  
  
Draco- Ok, ok the truth is I was planning on coming out of the closet. *Coughs are heard* But I wasn't sure when the correct time would be, so there I said it, I, Draco Malfoy, am gay!!  
  
Entire cast and staff- *gasps loudly*  
  
All Draco fans in the entire world- *sob* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! He can't be gay!!  
  
Me- *holds up chocolate bar in air* I knew it!!! Wait... *thinks for about a minute*  
  
Harry- Anytime soon...  
  
Me- *thinks some more*  
  
Sirius- We are not getting any younger over here!!  
  
Me- *suddenly* So Draco that means we can go shopping and stuff now?!?!  
  
Hermione- *stops crying* Yes!! Now he can tell us loads of fashion tips, and where the best places are to scope out guys!  
  
Draco- I can be one of the girls now!  
  
All girls- Awwwwww *hug Draco*  
  
Dumbledore- This is so sweet I fear I will be sick, excuse me *Makes throw up noises*  
  
Guys- *laugh*  
  
Draco- Great now I can act like myself and tell you how I really feel!  
  
Me- I told you that in chapter three!!  
  
Draco- Well, whatevah, you guys have no right to act like that!  
  
Parvati- Draco's right, you immature boys are not acting at all your age!! Draco and I could really help all of you with your fashion disasters!  
  
Draco- What?  
  
Parvati- Don't be silly!! You need a female to help when dressing a male. How would you know what kind of things females like to see their boyfriends and husbands wearing??  
  
Draco- OMG that is too true!  
  
Me- Awwwwww designing duo!! D and P incorporated! Parvati you have a place in the house now! You are the fashion fanatic!  
  
Parvati- Yay!!! *hugs everyone*  
  
Sirius- Are you people done babbling yet?  
  
Prof. M- You boys are still complaining? Give it a rest! You should be ashamed anyway, making fun of poor Draco like that!!!  
  
Ron- Yea right like we will ever be!!  
  
Me- You should be!!  
  
Dean- Well we aren't!!  
  
Tina- You're not sorry??????? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR *starts turning into monster thingy*  
  
Me- Ooooo you're gunna get it now!! Sick em Tina!! *throws another piece of chocolate at Sirius*  
  
Sirius- Ahhhhhhhh run away!!!  
  
All the guys, not including Draco and Snape, run out of the green room and up a flight of stairs. When they get up 3 flights of stairs they run into the nearest room. It has several huge couches and one really big television.  
  
Seamus- What do we do now?  
  
Ron- Yea Sirius, we are now stuck running away from a brainiac with really expensive shoes, a Transfiguration teacher obsessed with MTV, a so-called fashion fanatic, a Monster Pokemon girl with glasses, a guy who just came out of the closet and a complete nutcase with PMS.  
  
Harry- So basically we are terrified of five girls and Malfoy?  
  
Dean- Oy that sounds pathetic  
  
Ron- Hey guys look at this!!  
  
Ron had run over to one of the huge couches and turned on the really big TV to see all the girls and Draco inspecting Snape on the ground.  
  
Prof. M- Did they kill him?  
  
Sam- We did no such thing!  
  
Courtney- Yea he got what he deserved! No one should ever even try to hurt Clay without thinking of the consequences!!!  
  
All Claymates- Hell yeah!  
  
Draco- I hope he isn't dead!  
  
Me- *kicks Snape* I doubt whole-heartedly he is dead *Snape's body twitches* See???? He's not dead!  
  
Draco- Hooray!!  
  
Sam- Damn, well we are going to go and plot more ways to meet Clay!  
  
Court- Yea we are going to try to put me in a box and send me to Clay, then we are going to make cookies with our phone numbers on them and then throw them at him!  
  
Me- Make a cookie for me!!  
  
Sam and Court- We will!! Bye!!!!! *they leave*  
  
Hermione- Well now that that is settled let's go find those boys and yell at them!  
  
Prof. M- Yea, we can fill their heads with unpleasant images and thoughts!  
  
Parvati- Let's go!  
  
Girls start walking up the stairs and the boys look confused  
  
Harry- Does the camera for this television follow them everywhere?  
  
Sirius- It seems that way!  
  
Seamus- *looks outward* Think of the possibilities!!  
  
Ron- Yea!! *stares outward with mouth open*  
  
Footsteps and talking can be heard not to far away from the room  
  
Dumbledore- Quick, lock the door!!!  
  
Ron fumbles to get to the door but falls, so Harry tries but he trips over Ron and falls, and so on a so forth. All the guys have fallen to the floor and the door opens.  
  
Sirius- Hide!!  
  
Dean- I can't! Goyle is crushing me!  
  
Sirius- Goyle get up you moron!  
  
Goyle- Duh! *runs to hid behind one of couches but of course falls before getting there*  
  
All the guys run and hide behind the rest of the big couches and in walks, who else, but the Fab 5!!!!  
  
Carson- This so isn't the right room!! I don't see my luggage anywhere!  
  
Thom- This room is hideous!! Who designed it?  
  
Carson- Obviously they had no fashion taste what-so-ever! I bet it was a straight man! But now we have to find our room! We cannot film this episode if I do not have any of my things!!  
  
Kyan- I agree! Ted what are you doing?  
  
Ted- I smell something  
  
Thom- Let's see, rotting vegetables? Moldy cheese? Rancid milk?  
  
Ted- No, I smell straight guys!  
  
4 other gays- ^_^  
  
Carson- *runs over to Ted and leans on his shoulder* Do they smell cute?  
  
Ted- It smells like younger guys, 6 of them, a middle aged man, and a very much older man.  
  
Carson- Sounds like your type Jai! *giggles*  
  
Jai- Oh very funny! Let's start checking around for those straight guys! They have to be hidden here somewhere!!  
  
The Fab 5 start looking around checking everywhere and then one is found  
  
Carson (***MY FAV GUY! ***) - I wonder if a cute guy would hide behind this couch??  
  
Ron- *Crouched into a little ball behind that couch and saying out loud* Please don't find me, Please don't find me, Please don't find me  
  
Carson- *spots Ron* Look I found one!!!! *all Fab 5 come running over*  
  
Ron- AHHHHHHHHH *tries to run but Thom stops him*  
  
Thom- Hey where are you going?  
  
Kyan- *touching Ron's hair* OMG I love your hair! It's so nicely kept and clean!!  
  
Jai- And look at the color, gorgeous!!  
  
Ron- *scared* Please don't hurt me  
  
Sirius- *pops out from behind the TV* Leave Ron alone!!  
  
Fab 5- O_O  
  
Thom- How many of them are here Ted?  
  
Ted- Eight in all!  
  
Kyan- *walks toward Sirius* so.... Where are the rest of your friends?  
  
Sirius- Why should I tell you??  
  
Carson- *runs over by Sirius * this one's feisty!  
  
Sirius- Argh! *pushes Carson*  
  
The door bursts open and in walks our new favorite gay guy Draco!  
  
Draco- Don't your dare hurt Carson the fashion master!!!  
  
Jai- Carson you have a number one fan!  
  
Carson- Yay! *hugs Draco*  
  
Me- Why is everyone hugging Draco... OMG IT'S THE FAB 5!!!!! *jumps up and down*  
  
All- O_O  
  
Tina- So this is what they look like in really life!! *goes over and pokes Ted* Yep they're real!!!  
  
Ted- Hey, don't touch the outfit!  
  
Tina- Sorry, but I have heard so many great things about you guys  
  
Kyan- Wow we have a lot more fans than we think!! *goes over to me* so what did you say about me?  
  
Me- How do you I said something nice, maybe I said something mean!  
  
Kyan- You don't look like the mean type  
  
Me- Grrrrrr, I hate when people are right. Well.... I said you were so good at doing people's hair and that I wish you would do my hair because you made everyone's bathroom's look beautiful!!  
  
Kyan- Ummmm...  
  
Hermione- You must forgive her at the moment she has had a massive sugar intake and is still in her week of suffering.  
  
Carson- *stops hugging Draco* Awwwwww, you should really go shopping!!  
  
Tina- Our station is broke, believe me, uh....  
  
Draco- *whispers* Carson  
  
Tina- Oh yea! Carson... she complains everyday about wanting to go shopping but the station has no money.  
  
Parvati-*who had started talking to Jai about movies* She's right, we girls are always so desperate to go but we have no money, so we end up just having to borrow each others shoes all the time and me especially, I am the fashion fanatic!  
  
Carson- That's horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ron- *scowls* It's anything but horrible  
  
Sirius- This is just a constant day thing, we get in trouble and the girls complain  
  
Dean- Yeah, you girls are such complainers... OWWWWWWWWWW *gets hit in the head with a shoe*  
  
Me- *holds up Hermione's other shoe* Shut up ugly!!!!!!!!  
  
All- O_O  
  
Tina- Deep breathing Keri, deep breathing, tap your third eye 21 times  
  
Me- *sits on floor and starts tapping forehead*  
  
Jai- Wow she got angry.  
  
Sirius- It's normal for her  
  
Dean- YEA, and that shoe bloody hurt!!  
  
Hermione- *giggles* Well it was a Manolo!  
  
Carson- Absolutely gorgeous!! You must take me shopping with you one day! Although I don't why she had to throw your shoe  
  
Tina- *scowls at Carson*  
  
Carson- Let me finish! I was trying to say that she should have thrown Thom's shoe, it's bigger and weighs more!  
  
Thom- *pulling curtains down* my foot is not that big!!  
  
Dean- *on the ground* I think the heel punctured my brain  
  
Me- No one cares!!!!  
  
Hermione- Yes, and the fact is that you guys were complaining about all the complaining we do but it seems more like you guys are the complainers of the house  
  
Parvati- Oh she got you there! Don't try to outwit us boys, especially Hermione; we will get ya every time!  
  
Girls and Fab 5- Yep!  
  
Draco- And she is the best dressed!  
  
Harry- Put a sock in it Malfoy, don't make me hit you!  
  
Me- Leave Draco alone!  
  
Harry- You wanna fight?  
  
Me- Bring it on!! *thinks* OMG I love that movie!!  
  
Jai- I did too!! I love those uniforms that the Toros had on!!  
  
Seamus- You have way too much time on your hands  
  
Me- What do you know you're a guy!! And at least I have an attention span larger than that of a bug!!  
  
Seamus- Well at least I will never get PMS!! I am a guy!! You are not, and you will have to suffer forever!! HEEHEE.................  
  
All girls- *gasp loudly*  
  
Dumbledore- **cough cough** at least until menopause **cough cough**  
  
Me- I swear to Merlin, Leprechaun I will beat the living crap out you, pulling out all your internal organs starting with your thingy, which by the way I heard is very very small.  
  
Seamus- UHHHHHHHHHH  
  
Tina- *whispers* Want me to kill him?  
  
Me- *whispers back* No, just turn scary and intimidate him and all the guys.  
  
Tina- Ok! **turns into famous Scary Tina Monster** ROAR!!!!  
  
Guys- Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!  
  
Scary Tina Monster turns back to normal  
  
Jai- That was impressive!!!! Monster powers to scare straight guys!  
  
Carson (who just woke back up) - Not as impressive as Hermione's shoes!!  
  
Kyan- I agree!!  
  
Rest of Fab 5- Us too!  
  
Parvati- Ok its official, Hermione's shoes are the most impressive things of the day!!  
  
Prof. M- I hereby put this topic of the most impressive thing of today to a close! *slams hammer on a table, breaking it*  
  
Me- I knew it!! Maybe I'll win tomorrow!  
  
Thom- Well this really is fascinating and all but we have to go now  
  
Carson- Yes! We have to go find the room we are supposed to be in and start filming the new episode of our show  
  
All girls- Awwwwww *makes sad faces*  
  
Kyan- Don't worry we'll come back and visit again, but not until after this place is redecorated!  
  
Harry- Deal!  
  
All look at Harry  
  
Harry- Uhhhhh, random burst of enthusiasm?  
  
Tina- If you truly believe that  
  
Ted- Right, ok we are gunna go now... bye! *All queer eye guys wave*  
  
They leave and Ron suddenly looks down at the floor  
  
Ron- The table is broken  
  
Draco- Thank you Mr. Points-out-the-obvious  
  
Ron- Shut up!!!  
  
Draco- Make me!!  
  
Ron- Maybe I will!!  
  
Draco- Do you want to fight me???  
  
Ron- Sure you won't break a nail?  
  
Draco- *looks at nails* oh let me assure you Mr. little Weasley, my nails are in fabulous condition and will stay perfect even when I am kicking your scrawny ass!  
  
Ron- Why I oughta... *lunges at Draco*  
  
The two start wrestling and punching each other while everyone stands around and watches. The Hogwarts guys are all shouting "Go Go Go!! Come on Ron!"  
  
Parvati- Draco you're going to ruin your hair!! Stop wrestling right now!  
  
Draco (who has Ron's hands twisted behind his back) - Not until he says the magic words!!!  
  
Ron (trying to get away) - Never!!  
  
Draco- Say it!! Say 'Draco is hotter than I am!'  
  
Ron- No!  
  
Me- Well you know...  
  
All looks at me  
  
Harry- You know what?  
  
Me- Well if you think about it Draco just came out of the closet and he suddenly wants to wrestle with Ron. The only reason he's wrestling is so he can touch Ron, he told me before. *thinks* It's actually pretty funny! *laughs*  
  
Ron- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! *throws Draco off him*  
  
All- O_O  
  
Draco- *scowls from the floor* I told you not to say anything!!  
  
Me- No you didn't! You said *makes weird face* Blah blah blah and when I start wrestling with Weasley make sure to say that I was wrestling with him only so I can touch him. Ohhhhhh I heard he has a perfect six pack, blah blah blah  
  
Draco- Liar!!! Ok maybe not, but...  
  
Me- It was still funny!  
  
Ron- It so wasn't funny, I am scared for life!  
  
Parvati- Too bad, that's what you get when you are mean to a gay guy, they try to hook up with you!  
  
Hermione- Truer words were never spoken...  
  
All nod their heads and sigh  
  
NEXT TIME ON THE MANSION.....  
  
Me- Wait wait wait!! What the hell? Why are we cutting the chapter so short??? I didn't get to talk to any of the reviewers like I promised! Nor did I even start the Anniversary thingy on Chapter 2!! *starts to cry all dramatically*  
  
Sirius- Whoa it's not that serious  
  
Me- *stops crying* Oh I know but I saw America's Next Top Model and the one girl started crying. The only reason she did is because she cheated on her boyfriend.  
  
Draco- O_O Scandalous!!  
  
Me- I know, and I think she got kicked off the show anyway. The girl that used to be chubby but got really skinny won. I was pissed though because I forgot it was on and ended up watching American Idol  
  
Hermione- Was it any good?  
  
Me- Nah, no Clay. And anyway some of those people really couldn't sing, but I did like that funny guy Simon hated but ended up picking as his wild card pick, George Huffy!!!!! And... *talking is suddenly cut off*  
  
Dean- Haha your mike got turned off  
  
Sirius- *comes back from control room* There is only so much reality TV talk I can take from her  
  
Me- *mouth is moving but no words are heard*  
  
Harry- Wow, it's never been this quiet, maybe you should turn off her mike more often  
  
Me- *mouth still moving*  
  
Hermione- So who is going to do the closing to the chapter?  
  
Sirius- Well since I am the new director I will do it  
  
Me-*starts waving arms and shaking head rapidly*  
  
Tina- Dream on you egotistical ninny! I am the co-host, so I will do it! Besides, the real host doesn't want you to anyway  
  
Me- *nods*  
  
Sirius- Dumb girl alliances...  
  
Girls- ^_^  
  
Tina- Anyway, that's all for this episode! Hope you had fun and we'd to thank Carson, Ted, Kyan, Jai and Thom for visiting and ummm redecorating as well  
  
Girls- THANK YOU FAB 5!  
  
Guys- *mumble*  
  
Sirius- Tina you suck at this, I'll do it! We will see you next time on... *gets hit with flying fish*  
  
Me- *runs in quickly* No one steals my spotlight Mr. Black, leave it to the professionals. We will really see you next time on.... THE MANSION!!! 


	12. THE MANSION TRIVIA SHOW!

CHAPTER 12 OF 'THE MANSION'!!

Warning-----Extreme Stupidity!

Me- Ho hum... Just another abnormal day! Yep just me and everyone else!

Seamus- Prof. M isn't here

Me- Do my mistakes bug you bumpkin???? Ok fine, let me rephrase that! Ho hums..... Just another abnormal day! Yep, just me and Tina and Draco and Ron and Harry and Hermione and Parvati and Dumblydore and Snappy and Crabbe and Goyle! Happy now Mr. Seamus face?

Seamus- Ummm I suppose so.....

Me- Good, and it is good that I still remember everyone's names, right Sirius?

Sirius- (unconscious from flying fish)

Tina- You hit him with a flying fish. Remember?

Me- No....

Tina- Think about it

Me- (thinks)

Ron- Anything?

Me- (still thinking)

Dean- While we're still young please!

Me- (still still thinking)

Seamus-Oh come on!!

Me- Errrrrrrrr.... I give up!!

All- OO

Tina- I know, tap into your self conscious you must!

Me- Movie line taker!

Tina- What?

Me- Don't play dumb, you soooo took that from 'Dude where's my car?' Hal Sparks was in that!****(Drools) Sexy Mon, sexy Mon!!

Tina- No I didn't! I thought of it myself!

Me- (rolls eyes) Sure ya did!

Tina- Are you questioning my authority?

Me- Ewww you sound like my mom....

Tina- (sighs) you're hopeless

A voice from up the stairs- Indeed you are right Miss Tina!

All look to see Prof. M coming down the stairs dressed very badly. She's wearing a really (and I mean really) short yellow skirt with a short blue sleeveless shirt with polka dots on it and for some reason it has huge holes down the back and front of it. On her feet are multicolored sneakers, mostly orange and green.

Dumblydore- (wolf whistles)

All guys- (covers eyes in horror)

Random camera crew guy- (wolf whistles)

Draco- (stares in horror)

All girls- (utter speechless and staring in horror, except for....)

Me- Ewwwwww! Prof M. you look like this girl at my school that I hate! Ewww she wore that exact outfit to school on the last day!! Ewwwwww........

Dumblydore- (in a low voice) I think I'm in love!

Me- (still saying ewww)

Tina- Give me a break, this is not love connection! And besides inter cast relations are strictly prohibited.

Harry- Since when????????????

Tina- Well except for a couple

Snape- I don't understand!

Parvati- Figures......

Me- (still saying ewww)

Tina- See Hermy and Harry are one of the favorites on the pairing meter. They're up there with the Ginny/Harry, Draco/Hermy, and the Ron/ Hermys'! Dumblydore and Prof. M. is a weird pairing though, well maybe not in the world of fan fiction but here it is. Anyway, if a weird pair like that stays we could possibly lose viewers if they become disgusted! It's in the contracts and the original writings of the show from when we first started!

Hermione- That is correct

Dumblydore- I must protest! My love for Minerva is something I can not ignore! And this show will not stand in my way!!

Me- Quite romantic if you ask me!

Tina- In some circles I'm sure.....

Prof. M (hereby known as Minerva! ) - Oh Albus!!!!

Dumblydore- Minerva my love! (Gets down on one knee) I love you more than anything in the world, will you marry me??

Entire cast and staff- AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

Minerva- Of course Albus!! (Dumblydore puts the huge ring on her finger and kisses her)

Entire cast and staff- Ewwwwwwwwwww

Minerva- I just need to get a divorce!

Dumblydore- You're married already?

Minerva- Yes....... (Looks at Snape)

Snape-What?????? Don't look at me!!!!!

Me and Tina- (gasp loudly)

Tina- You're married to Prof. M????????

Me- That is the mysterious mystery person? We thought it was like Monica Lewinsky, Elton John, or Whitney Houston!!!

Draco- Elton John would not be so bad.....

Ron- Well that's your opinion

Harry- Indeed...

Me- I can't believe this.... When did you get married? Did you have a big elaborate wedding? Was the proposal romantic as this one? Did you have a big cake? How much did the wedding cost?

Minerva- In this order, about 3 years ago last month, no, no, no, and about 50 American dollars I believe

All girls- 50 American dollars???????

Hermione- You cheap bastard!!

Parvati- Yea what's a matter, too cheap to spend money on your own freaking wedding??

Tina- You should be ashamed!

Me- You're a dork!

All-

Snape- It's not my fault! It was one drunken night in Las Vegas!

Hermione- Well if it was Las Vegas....

Parvati- And you really can't think when you're drunk...

Tina- I guess in this case what happened in Vegas did not stay in Vegas....

Me- You'd think the wedding would have been cheaper! I mean 50 bucks is kinda a lot to have some guy says some stuff and then it's done!

Draco- Ahem.... Not really the point ....

Me- Esh... well anyway you then have huge wedding!!!

Draco- I could be the wedding planner!!

Me- Yay!! Like the Jennifer Lopez movie 'The Wedding Planner' and that show 'For better or for worse' and that other show 'A wedding story' and......

Sirius- (wakes up and rubs his head) - Is she talking about reality shows again?

Ron- Yep is that what woke you up?

Sirius- Too much noise......... (Sniffs) What smells like fish?

Me- You do!

Sirius- I most certainly do not!

Me- Yesh you do! (Sings) Fish heads, fish heads, rollie pollie fish heads, fish heads, fish heads, fish heads, eat em up yum!!

All- OO

Dean- You are defiantly mental

Me- Why thank you!

Seamus- That was not a compliment....

Me- So?

Tina- Good point, and anyway it's customary. The real host is always a bit dim-witted, but it makes good television!

Me- What if I was smart????

Seamus- Like that would ever happen...

Me- You want to start something, Irish man???

Sirius- (still rubbing his head) Geez where's a S.W.A.T team when you need one?

Me- I don't know... but it's time for.... TRIVIA HOUR!!!!!!!

Three big guys run out and put up three podiums next to each other and one bigger podium about 6 feet in front of the three. They also put up a sign that reads, 'THE MANSION!' in blinking lights. A bunch of bleachers come out of the ground also.

Me- Where's our audience? (Looks around) Hey you Hogwarts people, be the audience and go sit over there! (Points to bleachers)

The Hogwarts people go and sit on the bleachers

Harry- I want popcorn!!

Tina- (throws popcorn at Harry's head) There, now be quiet!

Harry- (knocked out unconscious)

Tina- Sheesh it was just popcorn, not a brick!

Crabbe and Goyle- (drools)

Parvati- Who eats bricks?

Crabbe and Goyle- We do

Draco- Yes most foods don't even make a difference to those slobs... (Looks at Crabbe and Goyle and cringes) They pour ketchup and mustard and all sorts of disgusting things on them..... On bricks!!

Goyle- (pulls a brick out of his pocket and starts eating it)

Draco- GOOD LORD!! (Faints)

Parvati- Goyle you idiot! (Whacks Goyle in the back of the head) Put that away!

Hermione- Wow Parvati, at that moment you sounded just like the old Draco used to!

Draco- (still fainted)

Parvati- No!! I don't want to be mean!

Me- It was just Goyle... it's not a big deal. He gets hit all the time anyway. (Throws a shoe at Goyle's head) See?

Ron- Let me try! (Throws a hammer) Haha what a lump!!

Goyle- Why thank you!

Me-Yay you quoted Ed, Edd n' Eddy! You both get a cupcake!

Goyle- CUPCAKE!! (Drools)

Me- Awwwwww yet another quote!! Be like Ed some more!

Goyle- I forget what we're doing....

Me- Hahaha! Yay!!! You get a basket full of cupcakes!

Crabbe- Yahoo!

Me- (gasps) that was not an Edism!! No cupcakes for either of you!!

Crabbe- Awwwwww....

Me- Ok everybody, it's time to start the show!!!!

Sirius- The show has been on for the last half hour......

Me- Not that show! The Mansion trivia hour! Please meet our contestants; just newly divorced and engaged; with her obsession with MTV and her horrible fashion sense, only Dumblydore could love her....

Dumblydore- Which I do!!

Me- Shut up!! Anyway, please give it up for Professor Minerva M. soon to be Dumblydore!

Minerva- (blows kisses to the audience)

Dumblydore and weird staff guy- (clap loudly)

3 Minerva fans- (faint)

Cricket- (chirps)

Me- Ahem... next, he's a blonde haired hottie who likes shopping and well.... Shopping! Your favorite gay Slytherin and mine..... Draco Malfoy!!

Everyone the girls - (claps very very loudly)

Draco- (gives sexy smile)

Millions of Draco Malfoy fans- (faint)

Me- (sighs) And our last contestant, he is a gorgeous red head who loves Quidditch and food and is a damn good keeper! Give it up for Sexy McGee, Ron Weasley! I love you Ron!!!!

Ron- (waves)

Millions of Ron Weasley fans- (faint)

Me- So let's begin, here is the first question from the category 'Harry's secrets'

Harry- What??? I have no secrets!

Me- Yes you do, I read your diary!

Harry- It is not a diary, it's a journal! I mean... errrrr......

Me- Be quiet! Ok here's the question, 'In the first anniversary episode of this show we showed footage of Harry being pranked. When Ron asked him what his deepest, darkest secret was, what did Harry say it he sometimes pretends to be???

Draco- (buzzes in)

Me- Yes Sexy Draco!

Draco- Harry said he likes to pretend to be a fairy!!

Me- Correct!

All except Hermy, Draco, Ron, and Tina- (laugh)

Harry- (blushing) I never said that!!

All- (still laughing)

Harry- (blushing beet red)

Me- SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!

All- (silent)

Me- Geez.....Now for the next question from the category, 'Before & After'

Snape- What?

Me- Just shut up a listen! Ok here's the question 'These mischievous boys didn't quite finish their 7th year at Hogwarts but instead started this new store for pranksters'

Ron- (buzzes in)

Me- Yes Sexy McGee!

Ron- What is Fred and George Weasley Wizard Wheezes!

Me- Correct!!

Minerva- No fair those are his brothers!

Me- Judges do you care?

Judges- (shake heads)

Me- Nope they do not care! Next category! 'Ed, Edd n Eddy!!' Yay what a great category!! And here is the question! 'This is the number of ants that Double D stated having in his ant farm. He only said this once in one episode!'

Snape- How are they going to know that??

Me- Shut up! What a rude audience!

Minerva- (buzzes in) what is 5239?

Me- Correct!! (Does a happy little jig)

All- (stare at Minerva)

Dean- How did you know that?

Minerva- That show is soooo stupid that everything I see from it sticks in my brain only making me dumber!

Me- (stops dancing) WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Minerva- You heard me.... Stupid stupid show!!!

Me- (pulls out wand and points it at Minerva)

Sirius- (panicked) how did she get that????

Harry- (checks his pockets) that's my wand!! That pickpocket!!

Me- (still pointing the wand) I am going to turn you into a pile of mush!! That wouldn't be very nice for your wedding now would it?? Oh you would be a big mushy bride! Or maybe I could get some mean boys to give you a swirly!! You would be a mush and smell like a toilet!

Minerva- Nooooo not a swirly!! I must be beautiful for my wedding!! But I will not take it back that is a stupid stupid stupid show!!

Me- (throws a huge fish at Minerva)

Tina- Now you smell like Sirius!

Sirius- I do not smell!

Tina- (goes by Sirius) Yes you defiantly do!

Goyle- I like fish.....

Crabbe- Me too! (Drools)

Sirius- Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......

Goyle- (pulls out a butcher knife and a fork)

Sirius- Umm I have to go now! (Runs out of the room and up the stairs)

Crabbe- Food!!!!!

Goyle- Chicken of the Sea!!!!!!!!!!

Both of them run out of the room but of course Goyle trips and the knife goes flying out of his hand. He just gets up and they both run after Sirius up the stairs. The knife just barely misses hitting Ron, who screams bloody murder (Heh Heh no joke intended) and, along with everyone else, dives directly onto the floor.

Me-(gets up) ASSASSIN!!! (Dives back on the ground then looks around) Hey wait a minute... (Stands back up and points at the crew members) You guys have to get down too, there is a frickin' assassin!!

So all the crew members slow crawl onto the floor, including the camera guys who take the cameras with them to the floor.

Tina- Well I guess that's the end of the Trivia show...

Seamus- So who wins??

Tina- Ummmm, how about Ron?

Ron- YAY!

Dumblydore- Why does he win?

Me- Because he's hot!

Tina- Well that's settled!

Draco- (smirks) indeed!!

(NOTE: They are all still on the floor)

A scream is heard from up the stairs, followed by an, "AHHHH MY LEG!!!"

Me- Errrrrrrrr....ok (looks at the camera which is still on the floor) I guess that raps this episode for today, next episode we will be having another elimination!!!!!! Until next time, we have to go save Sirius after the assassin is gone!

Snape- There is no assassin!!

Me- Oh.... Well ok then we have to go and save Sirius now! I hope you enjoyed this episode of "THE MANSION!!" Until next episode!! (Everyone waves from the floor)

Everything goes black, but the voices are still heard

Snape- Can we get off the floor now??

Tina- NO! Not until the cameras stop filming!!

Hermione- Are we finished yet??

Parvati- Yea my back is getting cramped

Jack the camera man- Oh ok... CUT!!

Everyone sighs and starts chattering amongst themselves

(AND THAT IS THE END OF CHAPTER TWELVE!!!! Heehaw I could tell you all liked the capitals right there. Anyway next chapter will be an elimination so I need everyone to put their votes in!! Maybe I will add another twist.... So go now and review!!!!! Until the elimination!!


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